To Love & Live in LA
by Paige Terner
Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

Katherine Beckett trudged up the gangway from the plane to the terminal. She had just been through the longest ten hours of her life. She'd sat through two layovers, both nearly two hours long, and was in the air for a total of almost six hours. Not to mention the time it took for the plane to taxi from and to the building before and after takeoff. But it wasn't the time spent that had exhausted and annoyed her. It was the crying baby that had traveled all the way from New York to Los Angeles with her. Well, not with her, but near her. The young couple was on their way to visit the baby's grandparents, and had literally been within twenty feet of Beckett for most of the trip. And the baby obviously didn't like planes or airports.

She stepped out of the movable hallway and was actually taken aback. Even though she'd flown to California several times before she was still amazed by the size and splendor of LAX. Somehow living in New York most of her life had not numbed her to the beauty and intricacy of giant man-made structures. Her awe was cut short by the abrupt jostling that came along with someone bumping into her. They didn't even mumble out an excuse me or glance in her direction. Apparently rude commuters weren't only in New York.

With her moment of wonder gone, she started towards the terminal exit. She didn't need to go to the baggage claim because she'd had most of her things shipped to her new apartment. It had been expensive, but it made the move a lot easier. The few things that were too precious to trust to anyone else were in her carry-on. And judging by the crowd headed for the spinning conveyer belts of bag confusion, she was glad she had foregone the use of suitcases.

Once she was outside the balmy warmth eveloped her immediately. Before leaving to take her to the airport, her dad had fussed at her for only wearing a light jacket, but she'd reminded him that she would only be outside in New York for a few minutes and she didn't want to start sweating the moment she stepped into California. And since she was carrying two bags, carting around a discarded coat didn't sound too appealing either. So she'd stuck with the jacket.

She saw a line of taxis that was seemingly unending. Seeing other people walking up and climbing in to them, she did the same. After selecting one, she opened the back door and slid in.

"123 South Figueroa street, please." She told the bald-headed cabbie. "It's on the corner of Figueroa and Second street."

"You want the scenic route?" He asked without turning around, his voice bored and gravelly, sounding every bit like a two pack a day smoker.

"No." She answered. "Quickest way please."

He nodded and headed for a road that a sign told her was interstate 105. She just wanted to be done with traveling for the day. Plus she'd have plenty of time to see the sights, seeing as how she lived here now. She settled back in the seat and realized she was actually nervous about seeing her apartment. She'd gone on virtual tours and discussed its layout, amenities, and other details at length with the realtor, Heather Winn, but she'd still technically bought it sight unseen.

It was far from the nicest place in Los Angeles, but it was affordable and was pretty close to the main office for her new job. Also, the complex had an outdoor pool and a small work out room, so that made Beckett happy. And her apartment in New York was apparently just as desirable as when she'd purchased it, because even with the bad market it had sold quickly. That gave her one less thing to worry about.

Thinking about her old apartment made her think about New York. Thinking about New York made her think of her father and all the things that led up to her moving out here. Thinking of those things made her sad. And she wanted to be done with sad for the day. She leaned over and propped her elbow on the door so she could hold her head in her hand. From her new position she could comfortably take in the view as it blurred by. She let her mind escape into numb, touristy mode and she began to feel a hint of relaxation ebbing in.

* * *

Thirty-seven minutes later Beckett was slipping her shiny key into the deadbolt of her new apartment door. She swallowed and turned it, heard the click of the tumblers releasing, and then moved to the other lock that was located in the knob. She felt it give way so she removed the key and pocketed it. Her hand gripped the knob and she turned it, feeling swept up in nervous excitment as she pushed the door open.

The sun was setting outside, so there wasn't much light coming through the mostly closed blinds on the windows. Beckett stepped inside and found the light switch. When she flicked it up, the small entry hallway was the only thing that lit up. She frowned in thought and headed into the living room. She saw another light switch and was pleased when it bathed the entire main room of the apartment in light. Now that she could see better, she sat her oversized purse and fully loaded carry on bag down and began walking around, taking in everything for the first time.

Her gaze fell on the couch, then the easy chair that matched. She looked at the tv sitting on a simple entertainment center, then noticed the small table surrounded by four chairs in the dining nook. She threw a glance at the kitchen, nodding in silent approval when she heard the gentle hum of the refrigerator. There was no dishwasher, but Beckett didn't use that many dishes so that wasn't an issue. She knew each floor had a community washer and dryer room, so she didn't have a utility room to investigate.

Realizing she'd seen all there was to see in the main area, she started towards the bedroom. Halfway to the hall she found the pile of boxes she'd shipped. Heather had met the delivery guys and let them in so Beckett's stuff would be waiting for her. The boxes held her clothes, books, a few of her favorite dishes and some other incidentals. She decided to finish checking out the apartment before staring to unpack, so she continued to the hallway and into the bedroom.

It was small, but it would be enough space for her. All she'd be doing in there was sleep anyway. She found the closet, which was going to require some creative cramming to fit all her clothes. She would make it work though. She sighed and walked to the bathroom. Again, small, but doable. As she stepped out of the bathroom she noticed a door across the room. Her eyes lit up and she went to it, opening it excitedly.

She'd actually forgotten about the balcony. But here it was. And the view took her breath away. She could see part of downtown LA, and about ten miles away she could see the Hollywood sign from its perch on the hill. Her little spot of outdoor real estate had enough room for a chair and a table, so once she obtained the two pieces of furniture this would be a great place to sit and read. Maybe living here wouldn't be so bad after all.

Suddenly Beckett remembered that she had promised to call her dad when she got in, so she went back out to the living room. She pulled her phone out of her purse and made the call. It rang one-and-a-half times before her father's warm voice came though the speaker.

"Hey, Katie."

"Hey, Dad."

"Did you get in your new place okay?"

"Yeah I did." She answered.

"Do you like it?"

"It isn't home. Not yet anyway." She sighed. "But it'll do just fine."

Her father had never really been a man of many words, so when he had something important to say, he usually went quiet for several moments. Beckett heard the telltale silence and sat down on the couch as she let out another sigh.

"Dad, please don't."

"You wouldn't let me say this before you left. I should have said it anyway. So I'm going to say it now."

"I don't want-"

"I didn't ask what you wanted." Jim interrupted. "I'm giving you what you need." He paused, and Beckett knew he was choosing his next words carefully. "What happened wasn't your fault, Katie."

"Dad." She whispered.

"No, listen to me. He made his choice. He stood by you. It was not your fault."

"If only I hadn't pushed for answers then he wouldn't...he wouldn't be dead."

"No matter what you did that may have led to that night, the fact remains that it was still his choice to be there. It was his choice to go down fighting. He did it for you, not because of you."

Beckett bit her lip to keep from crying. She'd cried every night since the shoot-out, and she knew she'd keep crying herself to sleep for a while. But she refused to let herself cry about it anywhere else. Even when no one could see her. Several moments passed before she felt she could speak again without being betrayed by her tear ducts.

"Dad, it's going to take me some time. I know I need to work through it, but I just can't deal with it yet."

"I don't want you to lock it away and pretend it didn't happen, sweetheart. That's not healthy, and you won't be able to let go of him."

"I don't want to let go." She said breathily. "I don't want to forget."

"There's a big difference in letting go and forgetting, Katie. You know that."

Beckett took in a shaky breath and let it out slowly.

"I know." She replied.

"Okay." Jim said somberly. "Just remember, I may be over two thousand miles from you, but I'm always just a phone call away."

"I know." Beckett repeated. "Thank you, Dad. For everything. I love you and I miss you already."

"I love and miss you too, Katie. Be careful out there."

"I will." She promised. "You too. Bye."

"Bye-bye."

Beckett heard the click of the line disconnecting and she set her phone down on the coffee table in front of her. She leaned back onto the surprisingly soft cushions and rubbed her hands over her face. Thankfully, before she could get lost in thought, her stomach reminded her that the last thing she'd eaten was a sorry excuse for a hotdog during her second layover.

She stood up and walked absentmindedly into the kitchen. When she reached the fridge she wrapped her fingers around the handle and tugged the door open. She was met by the glaringly bright light of an empty white box. She completely forgotten that she needed to buy some food. Luckily, another one of the reasons she'd liked this apartment was that there was a small market on the complex.

She shut the fridge and walked over to her purse. Once she had pocketed her keys and some money, she went to grab her phone. Fully prepared, she went out the door, making sure it locked securely behind her. She started for the elevator but opted for the stairs at the last minute. The little bit of physical exertion would help her loosen her day-of-travel-stiff muscles. So she opened the heavy metal door and began trotting down the stairs.

* * *

Beckett had spent Saturday evening and all of Sunday unpacking and settling in. That meant she'd been left alone with her thoughts. So when Monday morning came around, she was more than happy to be headed to her new job, so she'd have something constructive to do.

A twenty-four minute bus ride brought her to the headquarters of Aegis, the private security firm where she was now employed. She happily stepped off the over crowded and offensively pungent public transportation and headed towards the front doors of the one story brick building. The moment she opened the heavy glass door she felt like she'd walked into a wall of air-conditioning and she shivered involuntarily. She took a few steps inside, letting the door close behind her.

"Can I help you?" A red-haired woman behind the front desk asked with a smile.

"Hi, I'm Kate Beckett." She walked up to the desk. "Today's my first day."

"Oh, of course." The woman's smile grew wider. "I'm Nancy Reynolds."

Nancy's eyes lit up and Beckett found herself transfixed by them. They were blue, but the shade was so pale that they looked almost gray. Then the receptionist extended a hand with long, delicate fingers out to Beckett, who reached up habitually to complete the greeting.

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Reynolds."

"Oh please, call me Nan." She laughed. "Pretty much everyone around here does. Did you get all moved in? You came here from New York, right?"

"Yes." Beckett answered with a polite grin, but home was the last thing she wanted to talk about, so she changed the subject. "So, what do I need to do before I can get to work?"

"Oh, we have an eager beaver!" Nancy giggled.

It was all Beckett could do not to grimace at the outburst.

"I just like to stay busy." She said.

"Well, there is some paperwork for you to fill out." Nancy explained as she turned to a filing cabinet. "Then we will get you your keys."

"Keys?"

"For your car."

"I have a car?"

"All our security personal receive a car to use. You will be responsible for gas, but all other expenses are handled by the company."

"I wasn't aware of that."

"Well, surprise then!" Nancy giggled again.

"Okay, so forms and keys. Then what?"

"I'll give you your assignment and send you on your way."

"When do I meet the capt...um, the boss?" Beckett asked.

She had done a phone interview and exchanged several emails with the founder of Aegis, but of course had not had a chance to meet her in person yet.

"Oh, she's off doing a press thing. You can meet her this afternoon. Or tomorrow." Nancy paused when she looked up and noticed Beckett's confused expression. "Look, here's the skinny. You'll be given someone to look after. This will sometimes be an hour long assignment, like for a transpo. Other times you'll be with the same person for a week or two, traveling on a interview circut or whatnot. You don't have to come in to HQ everyday. You'll get most of your assignments by phone call or email." She halted her spiel once more as she attached some papers to a clipboard. "Aegis is a great company to work for. You do your job, keep your charges safe and hold off the fangirls, and you'll soon realize you have the best job in the world. We have staff meetings sometimes, and yes, the boss'll want to meet you soon, but no worries. She'd never have even called you for the phone interview if she didn't already plan to hire you." Nancy handed Beckett the clipboard and a pen. "These are your standard emergency contact, direct deposit and tax forms, and other boring stuff we have to have in your file. Fill them out, take your time, and then we'll get you your employee i.d. and all that good stuff. Then we can get you to your car and send you off to your first assignment."

"Okay." Beckett replied simply, dumbfounded by the rush of information Nancy had delivered on just two breaths.

The phone rang before either of them could say anything else. Nancy sat down and reached for the handset while Beckett found a chair across the room. She looked at the top form and pulled the top off the pen. Then she sighed and began putting ink on paper.

* * *

A little over an hour later Beckett was making the last turn that her GPS had told her she'd need to make. Just ahead of her she saw a twenty-foot wide gate with an adjoining guardhouse. Beyond that she could see buildings that she assumed housed some of the soundstages. She slowed to a stop in front of the gate and rolled her window down just as a guard walked up to her black sedan. The smiling man had messy brown hair and happy green eyes.

"Morning." He greeted her. "May I please see some ID?"

"Good morning." Beckett responded as she grabbed the small badge that showed her picture, name, and job title off of the passenger seat. When she turned back to him she took note of his nametag. "Here you go, Lincoln."

"Thank you Ms..." He paused to read her badge. "Ms. Beckett."

She nodded in reply and Lincoln scanned a page on the clipboard he was holding. He pulled a pen from his chest pocket and made a notation, then handed her the badge back.

"You're good to go." He smiled again. "Just follow the main road until you hit building seven. Then hang a left and you'll see a parking lot."

"Okay." She said. "Thank you."

"No problem. And welcome to Zenith Studios."

With that, Lincoln walked back to the little guardhouse and a few seconds later the gate began to slide to one side. Beckett waved to him as she drove off through the opening. There were people everywhere so she had to creep along at a snail's pace. It took nearly five minutes to get to the large building that was emblazoned with an equally large numeral seven. She quickly found the parking lot Lincoln had mentioned and when she pulled in she saw two other black sedans that had the Aegis logo on the door like hers. She parked next to them, shut off her car, clipped her badge to the hem of her shirt, and climbed out.

After breathing in a few deep inhalations of the ever warming late morning air she headed towards a door she saw on the side of the building. She opened it tentatively, realizing that she didn't really know where to go. Nancy had told her that she'd be working with a couple of other PSOs for the first job or two, until she learned the ropes. She knew that she'd gotten into the studio because Nancy had called ahead to put her name on the authorized entry list, but she hadn't told her what the other officers looked like, or who the client was that they were working for.

Suddenly she felt lost and a little stupid for not even asking Nancy the names of her new, albeit most likely temporary, co-workers. Oh well. She'd made a living off finding murderers for most of her adult life. Finding a couple of fellow security officers in a warehouse-esque building couldn't be that hard. She stepped the rest of the way inside and headed towards the only group of people she saw in the room. This might be even easier than she thought.

As she drew closer she heard a robust laugh coming from someone in the center of the group, followed by a smattering of loud chuckles. The small crowd grew silent again except for one booming voice, and Beckett determined it was from the same person whose laugh had echoed off the walls moments ago. There was something oddly familar about the voice, but she couldn't put her finger on why. She didn't think there'd be anyone here she would know, but that voice...she'd definitely heard it before.

When she was still several feet from the group she angled herself so she could see who was talking. No one seemed to notice her walking up because they were too engrossed in whatever he was saying. He was moving his hands animatedly as he spoke, and he kept rotating slightly to try to look at everybody as he told his tale. It was during one of these turns that Beckett finally got a look at his face. She froze when she saw who he was.

This was a dream. It had to be. She would wake up any minute now and have a good laugh at her own expense. Because the man at the center of attention was her favorite actor. And there was no way that on her third day of living here she would see him. There was no possible way that on her first day of work she'd be assigned to not only the same studio he was working at, but the actual building he was filming in.

Yep, this was all a dream.

Because the man entrancing the crowd, and now her too, was Richard Castle.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

"Yo, you the rookie?"

The words jerked Beckett from her frozen awe. She wasn't sure how long she'd been staring, but the dryness in her eyes told her enough time had passed to be considered creepy. The man who'd spoken was walking towards her. He had butterscotch skin and a handsome face. His deep brown hair bordered on black and was cut into a military style buzz-cut. His deliciously dark chocolate eyes had a joyful sparkle to them.

"Excuse me?" Beckett asked, finally breaking her silence.

"You're Kate Beckett, right?" The stranger asked.

"Um, yes." She stepped foward and extended a hand.

"I'm Javier Esposito." He introduced himself as he shook her hand. "First rule. Don't show your badge unless you need to get in somewhere."

"What?" Beckett's eyes squinted in confusion as they dropped hands.

"Your i.d. badge." Esposito pointed to the heavy plastic card clipped to her shirt. "People see that you're a PSO, they'll start bugging you to help them get autographs and whatnot."

"Also, you don't want to let crazy fans and paparazzi know exactly where you are."

Beckett looked over Esposito's shoulder to see who the new voice was coming from. The man heading towards them was startlingly attractive. He had ruffled hair the color of springtime tree bark and piercing blue eyes that would make the clearest of skies seem cloudy. He came to a stop next to Esposito and raised a hand, which Beckett happily shook.

"I'm Kevin Ryan." He told her.

"Beckett." She replied automatically, not taking into account that these guys probably didn't make it a habit of calling everyone by their last name.

"I know." Ryan laughed as he let go of her hand and pointed to her badge in a movement that mimicked Esposito's recent gesture. "His reasoning may be farfetched, but he has a point. It's better if you keep your purpose in the crowd a secret."

"Thanks for the tip." Beckett said as she tugged the clip from her shirt and pocketed the badge in her dress slacks.

"Sure thing." Esposito smiled. "So, Oldsmobile told us that you'd be hanging with us for a couple days, learning the ropes."

"Oldsmobile?" Beckett asked.

"That's what he calls Nancy." Ryan explained. "Because her last name is Reynolds." He paused and elbowed Esposito lightly in the gut. "Esposito is a big fan of nicknames. You never know when he'll throw a new one out."

"Ryan is just jealous of my impeccable creativity." Esposito replied as he rubbed the spot Ryan had hit him in mock pain.

Beckett stifled a laugh. She had a feeling she was going to get along well with these two. Something about them just put her at ease.

"So, how long have you two been working for Aegis?" She asked.

"Nearly ten years." Esposito answered, then he jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "We've been working together for Castlevania back there for six of them."

"We're having an anniversary party in a couple weeks." Ryan added. "You should come."

"We are not having an anniversary party." Esposito sighed exaggeratedly and shook his head. "You and your inexplicable love of anniversaries."

As the pair got lost in an obviously well used joking argument, Beckett went into information gathering mode. She could tell they were both well toned, but not overly muscular. They appeared to be about her age, and both were shorter than her. Although, thanks to her four inch heels, most people were. She continued observing them and as she glanced downwards she immediately noticed that both men sported a gold ring on their left third finger. Before she could think any more about it, a newcomer to their trio interrupted her inner cataloging.

"Who's the fresh face?"

Beckett looked up and her eyes met the viciously blue eyes of Richard Castle. It took all her training to subdue the swell of excitement that threatened to wash across her face. He ran a hand through his perfectly positioned chestnut hair and gave her a knee-weakening lopsided grin as he stepped in front of Ryan and Esposito.

"I'm Rick Castle." He said as he held out his right hand.

"I'm Kate. Kate Beckett." She replied, surprising herself with the normalcy she heard in her voice.

She lifted her hand to complete the handshake and had to mentally shake her head. She was shaking hands with Richard Freaking Castle. She'd been a fan of his longer than she could remember. She'd seen every movie he'd ever been in, and the ones she could find on DVD were on the shelf of her new entertainment system. Now here she was, touching him. And sounding creepier by the second.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Castle." She said as she tugged her hand from his.

"Please. Mr. Castle is my father. Wait, no he's not." He laughed loudly at something funny only to himself. "But seriously. Call me Rick." His eyes darted down her body and then back to hers. "Actually, you can call me whatever you want."

Oh wow. Beckett had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. Apparently, rugged good looks and an impressive talent for character comprehension did not stop a man from being a total dweeb.

"Richard? Are you ready? We have to get to makeup."

Beckett looked around the men at the woman who was calling out from the edge of the group of people behind them. She had long, sun kissed blonde hair and wore heels with a similar height to Beckett's own.

"On my way." Castle said without turning around. "It was lovely to have met you, Kate. May I call you Kate?"

Beckett looked back at him and swallowed slowly.

"Of course." She replied.

"See you around then, Kate."

Before she could respond, Castle turned and trotted over to the blonde named Natalie. As Beckett watched them talking and then walking away together, it hit her who the woman was.

"That's Natalie Rhodes." She blurted out.

"Yep." Ryan said.

"She plays Clara Strike in the Derrick Storm movies."

"Correct again." Ryan confirmed.

"And Mr. Castle plays Derrick Storm. They're filming _Stormfall_ right now, aren't they?"

"Yo, check it, girl. You're totally a fan!" Esposito exclaimed.

"Right." Beckett cleared her throat quietly as she felt a rush of heat fill her cheeks. "Of the genre."

"Right." Ryan chuckled. "The genre. That's why you're blushing."

"I enjoy movies, that's all. Especially detective movies."

"You just keep telling yourself that." Esposito laughed. "But today is the last day of filming. Since you, ahem, enjoy movies, do you want to go watch?"

"We can do that?" Beckett's eyes grew wide against her will.

"That's kinda the job." Ryan said with an indifferent shrug. "We stay with the client. Do whatever they ask us to, and keep an eye out for people sneaking around and hanging out where they shouldn't."

"Come on." Esposito turned and headed off in the direction Castle and Rhodes had gone. "Let's start your training."

Ryan fell into step beside him and Beckett allowed herself a moment of silent fangirling before following them. Not only was this the perfect distraction from her woes back home, it just might be the coolest job ever.

* * *

Seven hours later, Beckett was indeed thoroughly distracted. Her awe, however, had waned astronomically. She'd always assumed that the websites and magazines that had painted a picture of a womanizing, childish Richard Castle were wrong. Now she knew they were. He was far, far worse than they'd implied.

No female on set that day was left unnoticed by him. It didn't matter if they were an extra, or with the craft service providers, or a member of the crew. He flirted shamelessly with the every woman he laid eye on, weather he'd just met them or known them for years. Most of them seemed to ignore his cheesy pickup lines; only the youngest girls got swept up in his winks and eyebrow wiggles.

When Castle wasn't asking someone if it had hurt when they fell from heaven or saying some lines in front of a camera, he was playing pranks. He'd done everything from put whoopee-cushions on the director's seat to untwisting the tops on all the salt shakers at the food table. There had been several scenes they had to reshoot because he'd make a face or flub a line or crack a joke.

By the end of the day's shooting, Beckett was worried she'd pull a muscle from all the eye rolls that had gone across her face. Perhaps there was some truth the somewhat unspoken rule that people you admire are better left unmet. Obviously the reality version of Castle had turned out to be far less impressive than the Castle she'd imagined. Oh well. It wasn't like she'd be spending much time with him. Another day or two and she'd be working for some other famous person that would probably be just as disillusioning.

She was absentmindedly stirring a mostly empty cup of coffee, lost in her thoughts of disappointment, when the object of her brooding walked up to her. She watched him as he poured himself a steaming cup of caffeine. Both remained silent as he doctored the bitter brew to his liking. After he took a long, cautious sip, he turned to face Beckett. He stared at her for a moment and then grinned.

"Do you know you have gorgeous eyes?"

It's just a line. At least, that's what Beckett is repeating to herself in her head. He's been saying stuff like that all day. But dang if the smoothness of his naturally sexy voice it didn't make her stomach flitter with grateful excitement.

"Thank you, Mr. Castle."

"What did I tell you about that?" He squinted and furrowed his brow in mock anger.

"Sorry. Thank you, Rick." She put extra emphasis on his name.

"You're welcome, Kate Kate Beckett." He grinned again and Beckett couldn't help but laugh at the verbal jab. "Well, I best be heading out. I've got a date with my favorite girl tonight."

"Oh, okay." Beckett said quietly, wondering why she felt so surprised after what she'd seen all day.

"See ya around, Kate."

She nodded and smiled, but it wasn't a real smile, it wasn't in her eyes. She waited until he'd walked out of sight and then headed for the same side door she'd entered through that morning. When she reached the exit she tossed her cooled off cup of coffee in a trash can and went outside.

She walked towards her car and noticed Esposito and Ryan leaning against their own cars, facing each other. Ryan saw her first and waved as she approached.

"So, how do you like the job?" He asked.

Beckett waited until she was closer to answer. After she came to a stop a few feet from them she sighed wearily.

"I think I'm going to like it." She told them. "But I learned a valuable lesson today."

"Don't eat the tuna fish from craft services?" Esposito joked.

"No." Beckett huffed out with a laugh. "Famous people are just people too. "

"Easy, Fangirl. Don't go getting all philosopher on us."

"Fangirl?" Beckett's face scrunched up in confusion.

"That's the nickname he gave you." Ryan explained.

"Don't worry, Chica." Esposito winked. "I'll keep that one just between the three of us. Your secret's safe." He flashed her a grin.

"Thanks, Espo."

"Ah, a challenger has appeared, Esposito." Ryan practically cackled with joy.

"If that's the best you got, I'm not worried about it, Fangirl." Esposito crossed his arms in feigned indignation.

"Don't worry." Beckett held her hands up in mock defeat. "I'm not looking to take the nickname crown from you."

Ryan glanced at his watch and cleared his throat.

"I'd better be getting home."

Esposito checked the time on his own watch.

"Same here." He walked past Beckett and around the back of his car, stopping when he reached the driver's door. He hit the button on his key-fob and a chirp souned as the lights blinked. "Oh, I almost forgot. Most Friday nights we go out and get drinks if we aren't working late."

"Yeah." Ryan added as he unlocked his car. "You should come with us. Even if you aren't working with us by then."

Beckett hesitated. She'd never liked mixing work with pleasure. Except for once. But the whole point of moving out here was to start over. So she needed to keep making changes when they were for the better.

"That sounds nice. I'd love to join you." She said with a bright smile that was reflected in her eyes. It was genuine.

"Ricochet comes sometimes." Esposito's voice had a slight singsong tone to it.

"Who's that?" Beckett asked.

"Castle." Ryan said.

"I thought your nickname for him was Castlevania." She was glad it was dark enough that the guys wouldn't notice the heat on her cheeks.

"I like to mix it up." Esposito laughed.

"When I told you he likes to give nicknames, I wasn't kidding." Ryan said. "He literally has hundreds."

"Why doesn't he have any for you?" Beckett asked.

"Because he knows I won't answer to any of them." Ryan chuckled. "He learned that the hard way."

"Yeah, yeah." Esposito pretended to pout. "You just don't love me, that's all."

Ryan laughed and shook his head, then turned back to Beckett.

"Beckett, it was a pleasure teaching you how to stand around at the edge of everything today."

"Thank you." She laughed. "I feel like I learned from the best."

"You did." Esposito interjected. "I was there."

"Goodnight, Esposito." Ryan said with another laugh.

"Night, Bro. Goodnight, Fangirl."

"Goodnight." Beckett said to both of them.

She turned and went to her car. Once she was inside, the two men drove away, one after the other. Beckett fired up her engine and backed out of the space. She was surprisingly tired considering that she had indeed spent most of the day just standing around. It was most likely the time change, which she still wasn't used to. She'd woken up at 4:00 every morning so far, her mind refusing to believe her eyes when they blinked at the harsh red numbers. In college it had taken her a week to get used to the difference, so she hoped it would only take a few more days to adjust this time around. A drive home, a nice bubble bath and a quick bite to eat were all that stood between her and a good night's sleep. Well, as good as it could be when her memories plagued her every thought when she found herself alone in the silence.

* * *

After another fitful night of sleep and an all too early awakening, Beckett had gone for a swim. The water had been breathtakingly cold, but she'd powered through it and actually felt relaxed after the workout. A quick shower later she was in the kitchen waiting for the last of the coffee to drip from the brewing basket so she could pour herself a cup. She'd just taken her first careful sip when her cellphone started ringing. The number on the screen was not one she'd saved in her contacts list, but she immediately knew who was on the other end of the line. She sighed and answered the call.

"Hey, Roy."

"Kate, am I calling too early?"

Even though she was ready for it, hearing his voice through the speaker had tears threatening to spill over her lower eyelids.

"No, no. You know you can call me anytime, day or night."

"I'm just glad you still have your New York cell number. Otherwise I'd have to call you collect."

They both chuckled at his attempt at lightening the mood.

"Roy, you have my dad's number too. You can always call him and get him to tell me to call you." She bit her lip. "Well, to call the prison."

"Yeah." He replied somberly. "Look, Kate, I-"

"How are Evelyn and the kids?" Beckett interrupted.

"As good as can be expected, I suppose." Montgomery sighed. "She comes to see me once a week, but I won't let her bring the girls up here."

"That's probably for the best. But it must be hard not to see them."

"It's the hardest thing I've ever lived through."

"Are they keeping you in ad-seg?" She asked, changing the subject.

She knows his children were the most important thing in the world to him, and talking about them only hurts him more. When he speaks again his tone tells her that he is grateful for the new topic.

"Yes. They figure I had a hand in putting at least a third of the men in here."

"You did good, Roy. So much good."

"I wish I could have done good by you, Kate."

"You did." She whispered.

"Not good enough."

"Roy, I don't want to have this conversation again. I told you I forgave you, and I meant it."

"I know." He sighed again. "But that doesn't make the guilt go away. It doesn't change what I did."

"You helped put things right. You traded your freedom to put him behind bars."

"That may be true, but I'll be out in five years with good behavior. You never get your mother back. Or -"

"No, Roy." She pleaded shamelessly. "Stop, please. Just, stop."

"Just know that I am sorry, Kate. And I always will be."

"I do."

She heard a muffled voice and could tell Roy was distracted. A few moments later he turned his full attention back to her.

"My time is almost up, Kate."

"Okay."

"Hey, I didn't even ask. Do you like it out there?"

"It's no New York." She grinned in spite of herself. "But it seems...promising."

"Good. Keep in touch."

"Will do. You stay safe."

"You too, Kate."

"Bye, Roy."

"Bye."

Beckett hung up before Montgomery could. She'd only visited him once since he'd been incarcerated, as he didn't like her seeing him through two inches of plexiglass. They'd talked on the phone several times, but even though he'd been her mentor and one of her closest friends, the conversations all had a certain awkwardness to them.

Luckily she didn't have time to dwell on the implications behind the call because her text alert chimed. She looked at the screen and read the message from Nancy.

_The boss is in, and she wants to meet you. Come on down to the office._

_On my way_. She typed back.

_I'll let her know. _Was the response she recieved.

Beckett pocketed the phone, fixed a cup of coffee to go, and grabbed her badge, keys, and the small wallet she used while at work from the bowl she was keeping them in on the counter. She turned off the lights and went out the door. Once it was locked she headed for the stairwell. She'd already learned that the elevator in this building was agonizingly slow.

Three minutes later she was in her car. She was glad that each apartment had it's own assigned space which meant she hadn't had to park on some random street and feed the meter all night. Another fourty-six seconds passed before she was on the road, headed towards Aegis to meet Victoria Gates.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

Beckett found the door at the end of the hall that Nancy had directed her to. She took in a few quick breaths, lifted a hand slowly, and rapped her knuckles lightly on the door.

"Come in."

She did as she was told. Once inside, she saw the occupant standing at a window, looking out. Beckett shut the door and the other woman turned around. She had skin the color of cocoa and her smooth, coal black hair reached far past her shoulders. Her eyes were as dark as a moonless midnight, and each had a sparkle, as if there was a star dotting the darkness. She stepped towards Beckett, who was now in the middle of the room, and extended her right hand.

"Miss Beckett. It's nice to meet you face to face."

"Likewise, Mrs. Gates." Beckett said as she shook her hand.

"Call me Chief." Gates said with a smile. She broke apart the handshake and gestured to a chair in front of her desk. "Have a seat so we can have a chat."

"Yes ma'am."

Beckett sat down and Gates walked around the desk and sat in her own chair. She moved a stack of files to the side and leaned forward on her elbows, twining her fingers together out in front of her.

"So, Kate." She paused. "Or do you prefer Beckett?"

"I'm used to Beckett at work, but either is fine."

"Okay. Beckett it is then." Gates smiled. "Now, I know we talked a bit on the phone about your decision to change jobs, but I have to admit, my curiosity is getting the better of me."

"What do you mean?" Beckett asked.

"I watched the case unfold on the news. I followed the trial." She stopped again when Beckett shifted uncomfortably in her seat, then continued once she had settled down. "You solved several murders, a couple of which went back nearly two decades, and you did it almost single-handedly."

Beckett swallowed as she tried to think of a response. Talking about this was the last thing she wanted to do, but Gates was her boss and she didn't want to appear rude or insubordinate.

"The media made me look far better than I am." She said after a few moments. "They put a spin on it, to make it more sensational. I had plenty of help."

"Irrespectively, you had nowhere to go but up. Promotions had to be awaiting you by the dozens. You exposed a dirty agent and brought down a corrupt senator."

"With all due respect, Chief, Senior Special Agent Montgomery was not dirty." Beckett fought to keep her tone calm, to fight off the hurt and anger. "He made a mistake long ago and was forced to cover it up. He has since atoned for that sin."

"Duly noted." Gates said with a knowing nod. "All of that aside, what would make a rising star in the FBI want to throw it all away and become a glorified babysitter?" She chuckled at the confused look on Beckett's face. "Don't get me wrong, Beckett. What we do here at Aegis is undeniably important. I wouldn't have started this company if I didn't think it was. But when you get down to brass tacks, a private security officer is...well...a babysitter."

Beckett nodded and a tight smile formed across her lips just before a soft sigh split them apart.

"To answer your question, I left the Bureau because I couldn't deal with the ramifications of solving the case. I lost too much in my search for answers."

Gates stared at her for a moment, studying the strong but weary expression on her face. Then she smiled.

"Understood. Now, lets move on to the real reason I called you in here today, other than to meet you."

"The real reason?"

"I'm sure Nancy told you that most of the officers here work with many different people, going from job to job."

"She used slightly different wording, but yes ma'am, she told me."

"And I assume she told you that you'd be working with Esposito and Ryan for a couple of days to learn the ropes?"

"Yes ma'am." Beckett replied.

"Well, it seems you have a fan."

"A fan, Chief?" Her eyebrows revealed the confusion she'd been trying to hide.

"Richard Castle."

"Excuse me?"

"He was rather...impressed with you." Gates chuckled. "And he has requested you join his security detail. Permanently."

"He barely knows me."

"Be that as it may, he called me last night and asked if you could partner up with Ryan and Esposito. Summer is coming, and he'd like some extra eyes on site since his daughter will be with him more. Specifically, your eyes."

Beckett cleared her throat and shifted again in her chair.

"Wouldn't he prefer a more experienced set of eyes?"

"You were in the FBI. Your eyes are some of the most experienced I've ever hired. Look, here's the deal." Gates leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. "Richard Castle has used Aegis for his private security since his acting career started. He is our most loyal customer, and he refers new clients to us all the time. If he asks me to assign someone to him, I'm going to do it." She squinted her eyes questioningly. "Do you have a problem working with him?"

"Oh, no ma'am." Backett assured Gates quickly. "I'm just...surprised is all. And I still have some adjusting to do."

"Well, you can adjust as you go. I think you'll fit in well here at Aegis."

"Thank you, Chief." Beckett nodded curtly.

"Now, Ryan and Espsotio have been apprised of the situation. They are more than willing to welcome you into their fold. You can meet them at the studio."

"I thought filming was over yesterday."

"It was, but they have to do some dialouge voice overs and other items of wrap up."

"Okay." Beckett stood up and stepped around her chair before turning back to Gates. "I haven't thanked you in person for the job opportunity, so, thank you."

"We're glad to have you. Welcome to Aegis."

The cream-colored phone on Gates' desk began to ring shrilly before Beckett could say anything. Gates reached for the well-worn handset.

"Thank you for coming by. Have a nice day."

"You too, Chief."

Beckett headed for the door as Gates answered her phone. She closed it behind her and headed down the hallway. Nancy was also on the phone, so Beckett just waved at her as she passed through the lobby. She blinked in the sunlight that shrunk her pupils when she opened the door, and wished she'd hadn't left her sunglasses in the car. Seven long strides later, she was sliding into the drivers seat and slipping the somewhat oversized shades over her eyes. Then she leaned back against the head rest and loudy huffed out a large breath.

Her chest was tight with the newness of all this. Everything was happening so fast, and she almost felt as if she was watching from the sidelines. Life as she knew it had stopped the moment Hal Lockwood's bullet found its target. Although it felt like decades, it had only been six months since the shooting. The trial had progressed rather quickly, thanks to Montgomery's testimony. It was after the trial, after justice was served and everything was said and done that she'd decided to move away and start over. She just couldn't walk the same halls at work, go home to the empty apartment, and live the same life as before. But moments like this, with unforeseeable changes that she had no control over, they made her long for the comfort of the life she left behind. The life that was taken from her six long months ago.

She sighed again and shook her head. A minuscule bead of sweat dripped into her eye, the slight sting reminding her that she was sitting in her car in the rising California heat. She chuckled at herself, finding her internal lamenting funny for reasons even she didn't understand. She sat upright, put her key in the ignition, and cranked the engine to life. A few moments later the flow of deliciously cool air had dried the barely there sheen of perspiration on her skin. She backed her car out of its parking spot and pulled into traffic.

Then it hit her. She was going to be working for Richard Castle. Permanently. Yeah. This had to all be a dream.

* * *

"Yo! Beckinsale!"

Beckett looked across the room towards the yelling voice and saw Esposito waving her over to where he was standing with Ryan by the craft service table. She rolled her eyes when she realized he'd given her yet another nickname, but she couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled out as she headed towards them.

"Good morning." She said when she reached the pair.

"Morning." They both replied with a grin.

"So." Ryan crossed his arms. "You're one of us now, huh?"

"Looks that way." Beckett shrugged and stepped closer to the table so she could fix herself a cup of coffee.

"We were just talking about our schedule for the next few months." Esposito explained.

Beckett attempted an overly cautious sip of the coffee, and ended up sucking at the warm air above the liquid. She decided to give it a minute to cool off and looked up at Esposito.

"Oh yeah? Care to fill the newbie in? What happens now that the filming is finished?"

"They have to finish postproduction in time for the release in August." Ryan told her.

"Wait." Beckett interrupted. "August is three months from now. Can they even prepare an entire movie that fast?"

"Normally, no." Ryan continued. "But they've already been doing a lot of the postproduction work using as much footage as they could. Really, the last few weeks have been wrap up stuff, like today with a few dialogue re-records. They got behind on the filming because they kept changing the script, but to compensate they now have three shifts of editors working on finishing up the movie."

"Yeah." Esposito added. "The Derrick Storm movies have been the biggest cash cow Zenith Studios has ever produced, and with Stormfall being the final movie, they went all out. That's why they want to stick to the original August release date. More bang for their buck thanks to the summer blockbuster effect."

"And now we get to live the glorious life of film promoters." Ryan chuckled.

Beckett took a drink of the coffee she'd almost forgotten about and tucked a wayward bit of hair behind her ear.

"What all does that entail?" She asked.

Esposito cleared his throat and crossed his arms before he answered her.

"Basically, for next three months if there is a possibility for a news spot or a talk show interview or an autograph signing the producers will take advantage of it. Rick Van Winkle will be at most of the events, which means we'll be right there with him."

"So can I assume that's when we work to keep the paparazzi to a minimum and hold the fans back to a dull roar?" Beckett inquired.

"Yes." Ryan said. "And...no." Beckett raised a single eyebrow in confusion. "What I mean is that Castle wants to know if you'd be willing to be his daughter's personal bodyguard."

"Seriously?" She asked.

"Yeah." Esposito nodded. "Lexicon gets out of school in a couple of weeks, and she likes to hang with us some, but at sixteen years old, we aren't always her ideal group to spend all her free time with."

"Her name is Lexicon?" Beckett's eyebrow arched again.

"No." Ryan sighed and smiled. "It's Alexis."

"Ah." Beckett chuckled. "The nickname thing."

"More like nickname obsession." Ryan chided.

"Sounds like you're both jealous now." Esposito replied with a shrug.

Beckett laughed and took another sip of her coffee.

"So, Alexis." She began. "She spends her summer with you guys and Rick. What about her her mother?"

Esposito and Ryan looked at each other with a knowing look, their eyes both squinting in what Beckett read as disdain. After a moment of silent contemplation, they turned back to her.

"Meredith." Ryan paused as if he wasn't sure of the right words to say. "She's...she loves Alexis...but she isn't the mothering type."

"Her career, if you can call it that, is more important to her than anything else." Esposito added. "Maternal duties included."

"Oh." Beckett sipped at her coffee again, even though it had lost half of it's warmth and therefore had a diminished flavor. "That's unfortunate."

Her heart began to beat a little faster. Mothers who just didn't care were one of the things she truly detested in life. But that was neither here nor there. She couldn't allow herself to keep judging other people based on her own experiences. She sighed and opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off when someone put their hand over her eyes. Half a second later a warm breath swept over her right ear and a voice whispered to her.

"Guess who?"

Panic and adrenaline surged through her. She dropped what was left of her coffee and flung her right elbow backwards. She felt the solidness of the impact of her bone to firm muscle. A rush of air blew over the skin of her neck, accompanied by a pained grunt. Taking advantage of the distraction brought on by her instinctive thrust, she grabbed the arm that was still holding a hand over her face. As her long fingers wrapped around the thick, sinewy forearm, she bent her knees and turned her feet out slightly for extra support. She reached up with her other arm and took hold of the offender's neck. After sucking in a deep breath, she knelt down further and then leaned forward in a hard, quick motion. Her well practiced move vaulted the body behind her over her shoulder. A loud cry was cut short by a wheezing huff as all of the air rushed from Castle's lungs. Beckett's eyes grew wide when she realized who she'd flipped to the ground and she dropped to her knees next to him.

"Oh, Rick, I'm so sorry." She gushed. "Are you okay?"

His only reply was to gasp for oxygen, his face scrunched in obvious extreme discomfort. Beckett grabbed one of his hands with both of hers and squeezed in an attempt to comfort and apologize.

"Just try to breathe, Rick." She cooed, hoping her voice would distract him from what she knew was a burning pain in his chest. "Slow and steady."

Castle nodded his understanding and closed his eyes to focus on taking gentle breaths. Several moments passed before he felt like he wasn't drowning on dry land. He opened his eyes again and met Beckett's concern filled gaze.

"Can you say anything yet?" She asked.

"For reasons too disturbing to mention, I find what you just did hot." He replied, a slight wheeze still in his voice.

Beckett smirked even though a light blush was heating her cheeks. She dropped his hand and stood up, glancing at Ryan and Espostio as she did. They were staring at her, both with open mouths of amazement.

"Dang, Karate Kid." Esposito chuckled. "You've been holding out on us."

Castle sat up and took in a few deep breaths before he climbed to his feet.

"Note to self." He said to Beckett. "You are definitely not a fan of peekaboo."

Ryan and Esposito burst out in laughter, but a glare from Beckett shut them up. She was about to respond to Castle when he yelped and reached towards the back of his shirt. He tugged the fabric away from his skin and Beckett saw the large wet spot. She looked down at the traces of the coffee puddle left when she had dropped her cup. Good thing it was styrofoam.

"Sorry about that too." She said, pointing at his shirt.

"No worries." He let go and shrugged. "I've got plenty of clothes in my trailer. Which is where I'm going to go now." He smiled at Beckett. "You know, if you're feeling really bad about all this, I could use some help getting out of this shirt. Wet clothes can be hard to take off."

"You're a big boy, Rick." She bit back an involuntary grin. "I think you can handle it yourself."

"Suit yourself." He said as he threw a wave to Ryan and Esposito before turning to walk away.

Once he was gone Beckett turned back to the guys. The huge smiles on their faces were too much, and she started laughing.

"You know," Ryan said. "I've seen Castle get flipped off by lots of women. But never actually flipped by a woman."

"Where'd you learn to do that?" Esposito asked.

"Oh, it was pretty much another lifetime ago." Beckett answered, purposely staying ambiguous.

"Is that all we're getting?" Esposto prodded for more information.

"Yep." She smiled.

"Okay." Ryan cleared his throat. "I suppose we should do some actual work." He looked at Esposito. "We could show her the repeat offender files."

"Repeat offenders?" Beckett asked.

"The fans that show up to every event they can and then usually end up making a scene." Ryan explained. "We keep a record of them in case anything were to ever reach the point of needing legal action."

"Like restraining orders?" She inquired.

"Exactly." Espostio said. "And that's a good idea. Let's go look them over."

Beckett leaned over and picked up the empty white cup and tossed it in a garbage can that was a few steps away. The floor was dry by now, so she didn't bother with trying to wipe it clean. Without another word Ryan and Espsotio headed for a small room they had shown Beckett the day before. It was their onsite headquarters, although they rarely used it. She threw a glance over her shoulder in the direction Castle had gone, but she didn't see any sign of him. Which was good. She really did feel bad, and he was the last person she wanted to see right then. She sighed quietly and then headed off after the guys.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

It had been a good week. Ryan and Esposito were fantastic teachers. Beckett had practically memorized the entire repeat offenders file. She'd learned some tips for spotting paparazzi; some of them were apparently quite creative when it came to getting that literal money shot. The guys had even given her a couple of tours of the city using the less traveled back roads so she would know how to better avoid traffic. All in all she'd been introduced to the broad scheme of most aspects of her job. The rest she would have to learn as she experienced it, but she felt adequately prepared.

Now she was actually looking forward to knocking back a few drinks with her coworkers. She'd opted for a taxi because she refused to drive even if she only had one drink. Once the cabbie pulled up to the curb, Beckett thanked him and paid the fare, then climbed out of the car. She glanced up at the sign above the door. It was a small, marred, wooden placard, with faded paint. It appeared as if it had never been touched after being hung over the door. The ancient looking lettering spelled out the title and establishment date of the bar. Apparently, The Watering Hole had been in business since June 16th, 1906. Beckett chuckled at the bar's moniker, then stepped to the door and grabbed the handle. The weight of the eight foot door surprised her, and she ended up having to use both hands to open it wide enough for her to enter.

Inside, the atmosphere was inviting and mystifying. It was as if she'd gone back in time, or rather, that the bar itself had let the outside world pass by without attempting to keep up. There was a pleasant odor that filled her nose, one that she could only think to describe as old, with just a hint of vanilla, like that of pipe tobacco. The lighting was dim, but not so much that she couldn't take in the details of the main room. There was a single bartender behind the chest-high bar, and he was expertly flipping glasses and pouring drinks with a whimsical flourish. At the far end of the room, a beret clad man with glasses was sitting at a shiny, black grand piano. He was flexing his long, age-weathered fingers delicately over the keys, filling the air with a beautifully soulful sound.

There was not a huge crowd, just three people spread out at the bar, and a few of the tables had patrons at them too. Beckett scanned for a familiar face, and found it at a table that was across from the bar. Ryan was waving his arm high in the air, and Beckett smiled at the goofiness of the oversized guesture in the mostly empty room. She headed towards him, noticing Esposito at the table, along with two women she didn't recognize. As she walked, she habitually studied the strangers, noting details about them in a way that her service trained eyes couldn't help doing.

One of the women was sitting between the guys. Her skin was like peaches and cream, pale with a hint of natural pink at her cheekbones. Her strawberry blond hair fell in lazy curls down to her chest. From what Beckett could see of her eyes, they were dark, probably blue. A warm smile spread across her face as Beckett drew closer. Beckett returned the greeting and turned her attention to the other woman.

She was sitting on the other side of Esposito. Her short, deeply black hair was done up in several bouncy curls. She too was smiling, the toothy grin splitting apart her sun-kissed, dark caramel colored skin. Her eyes matched her hair in saturation of color, and with her smile they shined even in the dimness of the bar.

The group was dressed casually, just as Ryan had said they would be, which Beckett was grateful for. She'd worn jeans and a plain white tee-shirt with her thinnest leather jacket, just to keep the night chill off her skin. She reached the table and Ryan and Esposito stood up. They both gestured to the chair Beckett was standing behind, which was the one next to Ryan. She sat down as Ryan began to speak.

"Beckett, glad you could join us. Allow me to introduce you to my lovely wife, Jenny." He turned to the still smiling woman next to him. "Jen, this is Kate, my new coworker."

"It's nice to meet you, Kate." Jenny said with a small wave.

"You too, Jenny." Beckett replied.

"And this," Ryan nodded towards the other woman as he continued talking. "is Esposito's better half, Lanie."

Beckett swallowed a laugh at the glare Esposito through Ryan, then turned to Lanie.

"Hi, Lanie."

"Hey, girl." The female Esposito answered with a wink. "Javi told me about you flipping Rick. I would have loved to see that."

"Oh, yes!" Jenny exclaimed with a laugh. "Kevin told me too. I can't imagine the look on Rick's face during the whole ordeal."

Beckett felt a light heat hit her cheeks, and she bit her lip nervously.

"I really didn't know it was him." She explained. "And he did look rather shocked."

At that, everyone, including Beckett started laughing. Before anyone could say anything else, a waitress that Beckett hadn't seen earlier walked up to the table. She was young, in her early twenties, and had short, mouse brown hair. She smiled, which lit up her hazel eyes and turned to Beckett.

"Ma'am, would you like something to drink?"

"Oh, yes, please." Beckett nodded. "Could I just have a beer, please? A lager, if you have one."

"Bring her the home brew, Cindy." Ryan said.

"Sure thing, Mr. Ryan." The young waitress replied before turning to go get Beckett's drink.

"They brew beer here?" Beckett asked.

"Sure do." Esposito answered. "And also, everything is on the house tonight."

"What?" Beckett looked back and forth between him and Ryan.

"Yeah, we know the owner." Espostio explained further.

"You do?" Beckett questioned him again.

"So do you." Ryan pointed over her shoulder and Beckett followed his finger with her gaze.

Castle had just walked in and was walking straight for their table. Beckett turned back around.

"He owns the bar?" She asked in disbelief.

"I do."

Beckett heard the chair next to her slide out as Castle spoke. She looked at him and felt her heart beat a little faster as he sat down next to her. She hated the reaction she had to his presence, but she couldn't stop it. Every time he walked into a room or came near her or spoke in that wonderfully deep voice she involuntarily found herself swept up by him. Thankfully, she could keep it hidden. She could force the feelings down so no one knew but her. But in reality, he was the first person who had made her feel anything so vivid and uncontrollable in six months. He somehow made her feel alive again, like there was an actual possibility to move on from her past. She didn't know where it came from, but she felt an inexplicable and undeniable connection to him.

"I've never known anyone that owned a bar." Beckett said, hoping it didn't sound as dumb to them as it did to her as it left her lips.

"Well, now you do." Castle replied simply.

Just then Cindy walked back up with Beckett's drink, as well as one for Castle.

"Here you go guys." She said. "Mr. Castle, I assumed you'd want your regular?"

"Yes, thank you Cindy." He smiled.

"Thank you." Beckett added, raising her bottle slightly.

"Can I get anyone anything to eat?" Cindy asked.

The six people at the table all shared glancing looks, then almost as one they shook their heads no. Cindy smiled and nodded, then turned and headed back towards what Beckett assumed was the kitchen. Castle took a long swig of the beer in his hand, the bottle matching the one Beckett was holding. She took a curious drink of the smooth liquid and found that the taste was fantastic.

"This is really good beer." She said, turning to look at Castle.

"Thank you." He replies. "It took us almost a year to get it just right."

"Well, it's delicious."

Castle lifted his bottle up towards Beckett, and she knocked hers lightly against it. This evening was starting to feel surreal.

"Okay." Lanie cleared her throat. "Kate, tell us all something about yourself."

"Like what?" Beckett asked her.

"Anything. Were you a security guard in New York too?"

Beckett was surprised, but she hid it well. It hadn't occurred to her before now that Ryan and Esposito had probably told their wives at least some things about her. But, she hadn't revealed anything to them in confidence, so it didn't matter. Since she couldn't keep her entire past a secret forever, she might as well tell them some of it.

"No." She began. "I was working for the FBI before I moved out here."

"You were a fed?" Esposito asked with a grin.

"Yes."

"That's why you know self defense moves, isn't it?" Ryan asked, also bearing a smile as he spoke.

"Yes." Beckett repeated.

"That's awesome!" Castle said in a loud whisper.

Everyone laughed at his reaction, including himself.

"What did you do in the FBI?" Jenny asked.

"I worked homicides."

"And what made you go from catching killers to babysitting this guy?" Ryan asked, jerking a thumb at Castle.

"Hey!" Castle exclaimed, but there was laughter in his voice.

Beckett was silent for a moment as she tried to think of an easy way to explain her career change. She took a drink to give herself an excuse for the pause, then sighed quietly and smiled at the friendly faces around her.

"I just needed a change of pace." She finally answered. Deciding it was time to change the subject, she pointed to each of the couples. "Tell me how you met."

"Oh yes." Castle laughed. "I love stories."

"Dude. You know how we met." Esposito said.

"Yeah, but I still like stories."

Everyone laughed again. Beckett had learned over the last five days that Castle had an ability to keep people laughing, and tonight was no different.

"Jenny and I were high school sweethearts." Ryan began.

"We actually met junior year in a baking class." Jenny added.

"A baking class?" Beckett interrupted with a soft snort of laughter.

"I took it to meet girls." Ryan said with a shrug, earning a playful slap on his arm from Jenny. "Hey, it worked, didn't it?" He grinned at Jenny.

"Yes, I suppose it did." She smiled back at him and took his hand in hers. "We dated all through college. We graduated on a Friday, and got married the next day."

"That's so sweet." Beckett said, feeling herself caught up in the cuteness of the story. "Jenny, what kind of work do you do?"

"I'm an actress." Jenny replied. "I haven't actually done much acting lately though, because I've been staying home with our son, Kevin Jr."

"How old is he?" Beckett asked.

"Five." Ryan answered. "Here, I've got a picture."

He leaned over enough to pull his wallet from his back pocket. He opened it to a picture of a bronze haired boy with his father's bright blues eyes. He had freckles covering both cheeks, and his two front teeth were slightly oversized, giving him a bit of a buck-toothed look. In the picture he was holding a tortoiseshell calico cat. Well, holding was kind of a stretch. It was more or less draped over the little boy's arms, a limp-limbed furball with bright yellow eyes that seemed to be filled with patient indifference. The picture had Beckett grinning widely.

"He's absolutely adorable." She gushed in manner unlike herself.

"Thank you." Ryan and Jenny said as one.

After replacing his wallet, Ryan pointed at Esposito.

"I've been trying to talk this guy into bringing a little one into the world, but so far, no good."

"Hey, all in good time." Esposito held his hands up in mock surrender. "Our work schedules don't really line up with a baby's needs."

"What do you do, Lanie?" Beckett tuned to Esposito's wife.

"I'm a plastic surgeon. That's actually how I met Javier."

"You don't strike me as the Botox type, Espo." Beckett said with a laugh, which everyone else joined in on.

"It wasn't for me. Rickroller over there busted his cheek open doing a stunt. My girl is the best in the biz when it comes to fixing pretty faces." Esposito paused to smile at Lanie. "I took him to get patched up, met Laniepalooza, asked her out, and eight months later, we were married."

"Eight months?" Beckett asked.

"It was a whirlwind romance." Lanie explained. "But Javi is like my drug. Once I got a taste, I couldn't get enough."

Esposito leaned over and planted a loud, smacking kiss on her cheek.

"You're pretty addicting yourself, baby girl." He said with a wink.

"Alright you two, knock the love meter down a couple notches." Castle groaned playfully, eliciting yet another laugh from the group. He took a drink and then looked at Beckett. "So, what about you? Is there a significant other you are now in a long distance relationship with?"

"No." She responded simply.

"He moved with you, then?" Castle prodded.

"No. I'm not in a relationship." Beckett said somberly and downed the rest of her beer.

"Oh, you had a breakup." Castle said matter of factly, as of he knew the answer already.

"Things ended, yes."

"He must've been pretty stupid." Castle chuckled around the mouth of his bottle, then took a sip.

"Excuse me?" Beckett heard her voice waver from the effort of trying to hide her anger.

"I just meant if he broke up with you, that was dumb. You're sexy, smart, and you know how to leave a man breathless." Castle elaborated, laughing at his joke, even though it was at his own expense.

"He didn't break up with me."

"Well, he's still not too bright if he let you walk away from him." Castle chuckled again.

"We didn't break up." Beckett could no longer keep the emotions out of her tone. The anger had now mixed with grief. "He was killed while attempting to apprehend a suspect."

She had to bite her lip to stop the tears, the physical pain helping to distract her from the emotional pain just enough. The smile fell from Castle's face so hard that Beckett could swear it made a sound.

"Kate, I'm so sorry." He said, his voice full of guilt.

"It's okay." She sighed. "You had no way of knowing."

The group fell silent and the uncomfortable awkwardness was palpable. After a few moments, Castle stood up, causing everyone to look at him, and headed towards the bar. Esposito was the first to break the silence.

"Did you get the guy?"

"What guy?" Beckett asked him.

"The guy that killed your boyfriend." He added.

Beckett swallowed hard as the memories came flooding back. Then she shook her head as she spoke.

"He was my fiancé."

"Your fiancé killed your boyfriend?" Esposito's voice was ripe with confusion.

"No, I meant it was my fiancé who was killed. And yes. I got the guy. He's serving seven consecutive life sentences."

"Was he a serial killer?" Ryan asked.

"He was a contract killer. Murder for hire. Seven was all we could prove, but we liked him for at least twenty-six others."

"Dang." Lanie huffed out.

Just then Castle walked back up with a tray in his hands. He placed it on the table and sat down in his chair. The tray held six shot glasses and an unopened bottle of MacCutcheon whiskey. Castle opened the bottle and started pouring some into each glass.

"This whiskey has been here since before prohibition." He said as he poured. "I've been saving it for a special occasion." He passed a full glass to each member of the group, then held his up over the middle of the table. "To..." He paused and looked at Beckett. "What was his name?" He asked gently.

"Will." She answered softly.

"To Will." He continued. "He died making the world a safer place for the rest of us. May his selfless sacrifice never be forgotten."

"To Will." Everyone said as they lifted their glasses to meet his.

They all drank their shots and sat for a moment in a reverent silence. Beckett felt tears stinging her eyes, and she let herself pretend it was from the wonderful burn of the liquor sliding down her throat. She looked to each of the smiling faces looking back at her, and it was right then that it hit her. She had been in Los Angles less than a week, and she already had a group of people who cared about her. A group of friends. She was going to get through this. She was going to be okay.

"Okay." She said to Castle as a smile spread wide across her face. "I want to hear about this stunt where you busted your face open."

He grinned back at her, reached for the bottle of scotch, and started to refill the glasses.

"That's going to require more booze." He joked as he started to refill the glasses. When he was done he set the bottle back down and took a small sip before he leaned back in his chair. "It all began when we couldn't get the breakaway glass to break."

* * *

Beckett turned off the road and pulled up to a wrought iron gate that was ten feet wide and twelve feet tall. She rolled her window down and pressed the button that was on a speaker box by her window. The box buzzed and a moment later a scratchy version of Castle's voice came through.

"Good morning, Kate."

"Morning, Rick." She replied, feeling odd talking to a box.

"I'll open the gate, give me just a second. Once you go through it, just come up the driveway until you get to the front door."

"Okay."

She heard a soft click and then the gate in front of her began to slowly slide to the left. When it was fully open Beckett drove through it and followed Castle's instructions. After driving close to a tenth of a mile she passed a line of trees, each at least fifty feet tall, that had been blocking the house from her view. When she finally saw it, she almost crashed into a bush trimmed into the shape of a giraffe. The building in front of her was literally the biggest individual residence she'd ever seen. She kept driving up the asphalt path, passing more animal shaped shrubbery as she continued to gawk at the house. The driveway was over half a mile long, so it took her a few minutes to reach the front door thanks to her slow pace. She parked the car in front of a stairwell that had to be fifty feet wide at the base, and appeared to be made of a pale gray stone. She turned off the car, climbed out of the car, locked the doors, and pocketed her keys. Then, she stared.

The mansion soared above her, three stories tall. It branched out to the sides in a vee like shape, and Beckett's best guess was that it stretched at lest two hundred feet in either direction. There was no telling how wide it was from front to back. It's exterior was made up of large, gray bricks, darker than the steps but similar in texture. About every fifty feet there were sections of the wall that curved out. A loud laugh burst from Beckett's lips as she realized what she was looking at. It was a castle. A modern day one, sure, but a castle nonetheless. Somehow, she wasn't all that surprised.

Her awestruck gaping was suddenly interrupted by enthusiastic barking. She glanced towards the sound and saw two dogs bounding down the stairs, headed directly for her. She went on alert, watching them for signs of danger as they approached. When they were about ten feet away a shrill whistle pierced the air and both dogs dropped to their hind quarters. They sat there with goofy looks on their faces and their tongues hanging out lazily.

"Sorry about them!"

Beckett looked back at the steps that Castle was currently descending.

"It's okay." She replied.

"They are harmless, as long as you aren't allergic to dog spit." He grinned as he stepped off the bottom stair and continued towards her. "Because they won't hesitate to lick you to death."

"They're cute." Beckett said. "What are their names?"

"This is Sherlock." Castle answered as he pointed to the bigger dog. "And that's Fred." He gestured to the other dog.

Sherlock was a bloodhound with oversized jowls and a happy glint in his brown eyes. He was tan all over except for a saddle shaped patch of black fur on his back and sides. Fred had a white belly and legs, and the tip of his tail matched. He had several big brown spots and had a black patch similar to Sherlock's. His black eyes were enchanting, almost hypnotizing. Beckett walked over to them and patted each of them on the head. Her reward was a pair of sloppy dog kisses on the back of her hands. She laughed and turned her attention to Castle. The look on his face made her knees go weak.

"Kate, I really am sorry about last night. About what I said."

"Rick, I told you, you don't have anything to be sorry about. You didn't know, and trust me, the scotch and the stories of your mishaps more than made up for it. Even though you didn't need to make up for anything."

"Still." He shrugged. "I'm sorry."

"Okay." She said, knowing any further attempts to quell his unnecessitated guilt would be pointless. "Nice house." She said with a grin, figuring that would be the perfect topic for a subject change.

"I know, it's a bit much." He smiled back, obviously understanding her intent. "But it's super cool, isn't it?"

"It's...pretty cool."

"Wait until you see the inside. Come on."

He started back towards the steps and Beckett fell into step behind him.

"Are you sure that Alexis is going to be okay with me tagging along today?" She asked worriedly as they walked.

"Oh yeah." Castle said over his shoulder. "She's looking forward to meeting you."

By now they had reached the door and Castle opened it. The dogs ran inside and he was about to enter after them when a car horn started blaring repeatedly. Both Castle and Beckett turned around in time to see an older model navy blue Ford Bronco pull up next to Beckett's car. The engine stopped it's loud purr and a teenager with fiery auburn hair jumped out.

"Dad!" She yelled out. "You can give her the tour later. Let's go! We'll miss all the good stuff."

"Alright, Alexis" Castle replied with a laugh. "Just let me grab my wallet." He glanced at Beckett. "I'll be right back."

She nodded and when he disappeared inside she went back down the stairs.

"You must be Kate." Alexis said.

"I am."

"I'm Alexis." The girl introduced herself needlessly. Then she grinned in a way that reminded Beckett of one of Castle's many smirks. "You can sit up front."

She leaned into the SUV and pulled the driver's forward so she could crawl in the back seat. Beckett went to the passenger side and got in. That surreal feeling that she'd felt so often in the last week began to fill her again. Especially when she saw Castle trotting down the stairs, smiling as he approached them. He got in and cranked the old vehicle.

"So, where are we going?" Beckett asked as she buckled her seat belt.

"Should we tell her?" Castle asked Alexis as he fastened his belt as well.

"No. Let it be a surprise." She laughed.

"Surprise it is then." He said, another grin spreading across his face as he shifted the gear into drive.

* * *

**A/N - There was a LOST reference in this chapter. Any fans of that show catch it?**

**Also, I thought I'd say this based on something an anonymous reviewer said on another story. I will be posting a chapter of this story every Friday. I know that's kind of long to wait for a single chapter. But with work and life, sometimes a chapter takes me two days to write, other times it takes a week and a half. Instead of sporadic and sometimes crazy long times between chapters, I can guarantee a chapter every Friday (barring a problem with the website). I want to thank each of you for reading so far, and I hope you'll stick with me. The way this thing is playing out in my head, well, I believe y'all will really enjoy it. Thanks again for reading, for the reviews, the favorites, and the alerts. It all means so much to me. Until next time, Paige.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

An hour after leaving Castle's castle, Beckett noticed the road getting narrower and traffic thinning out. A few more miles went by before their destination came into view. Castle pulled into a gravel parking lot big enough to fit at least a few hundred cars, and about half of it was full. Beckett looked over at him, but he was concentrating on finding a parking spot. She glanced at Alexis over her shoulder and saw a huge grin spread across her face. The car stopped and Beckett turned back around. Castle and Alexis climbed out, so she followed suit. When they were all standing in front of the vehicle, she looked at Castle.

"A flea market?" She asked incredulously.

"It's not just a flea market." Castle told her. "It's the world's best flea market."

"Says who?"

"The sign." Alexis said. "And us. Dad and I love it here. We come at least once a month. They're only open on Saturdays. They sell a little bit of everything here."

"Everything?"

"Everything." Castle agreed. "Let's go."

Alexis started off first and Castle fell into step right behind her. Beckett hesitated, feeling like she was intruding on a family tradition. But she had been invited, and she either had to go with them or wait in the car, which would be even weirder. So she headed after them.

As they drew closer, Beckett saw that it was an open air type market, filled with stall upon stall of vendors. There was a ceiling, but it looked to be nothing more than sheets of tin nailed to ten-feet-tall two-by-fours. People were milling about, going from seller to seller, some obviously just browsing, many others making purchases. The noise of the crowd was a symphony of voices, barking dogs, and music coming from somewhere Beckett couldn't see.

They reached the area that appeared to be something of a main entrance, although the place had no doors or markers for where people should come and go. It was like a maze of art, antiques, junk, handmade items, and food.

"Okay." Castle stopped them just outside the crude doorway. "We need to go over the rules for Kate."

"There's rules?"

"Oh yeah." Alexis nodded. "Tell her, Dad."

"Rule one." Castle held up a finger. "If you see it and want it, buy it right then. It may not be there later." He held up another finger. "Rule two. Never pay what the seller is asking. Rule three." Another finger met the first two. "If it smells good, eat it." He held up his pinky finger. "And the last rule. The most important rule. Whoever gets the best bargain of the day wins."

"Wins what?" Beckett asked.

"The day." Alexis answered. "At the end of each year, the person with the least victories has to do whatever the winner wants for a whole day." She smiled. "I've never lost the yearly competition."

Beckett laughed at the look of mock annoyance Castle flashed at Alexis.

"So." She said. "What clarifies something as the best bargain?"

"It's whatever item is purchased for the lowest percentage of what it's actually worth." Castle explained. "Sometimes we have to do some research to find out who won."

"But it's usually me." Alexis added.

Beckett chuckled again as Castle scowled.

"Let's get this party started." He said. "Alexis, remember-"

"I know, Dad. I can go wherever I want, as long as I can see you."

"Good girl."

"Same goes for you, Dad. Don't go running off."

"Yes ma'am."

He grinned childishly and Beckett bit back another laugh. Then they walked towards the bargain filled booths. It took less than five minutes before Castle huffed excitedly and headed directly for a vendor. Beckett and Alexis followed him, and by the time they caught up he had picked up one of the dozens of pocket watches off the table.

"How much for this one?" He asked.

"One hundred." The overweight man selling the watches answered.

"I'll give you twenty."

"Boy, twenty ain't enough for you to keep holding that thing." The man cleared his throat and sucked in a loud, wet, honking breath through his nose. "I'll go down to ninety."

"Forty." Castle shot back.

"Eighty."

Castle looked down at the watch, then opened it and held it up to his ear. He shut it again and turned it over, rubbing a hand reverently over the intricate paisley pattern etched into the gold.

"Fifty." He rebutted.

The man shifted on the milk-crate he was sitting on and stared Castle down through his dark green eyes. He rubbed a hand over his nearly bald head and sighed like he was making a life or death decision.

"Okay. Fifty."

He stuck his hand out and Castle shook it before reaching into his pocket and pulling out some money. He paid the man and smiled at him, then turned back to Beckett and Alexis, holding his purchase up like a prize.

"That's nice, Dad. But why on earth did you want a pocket watch?"

"It's dapper." He raised his eyebrows knowingly. "And chicks dig dapper."

"You keep telling yourself that, Dad." Alexis said as she rolled her eyes.

"I will." He smiled and put the watch in his right front pocket, then turned and took a deep breath before speaking to the girls over his shoulder. "Let's keep moving. I've got a competition to win."

Beckett felt the corners of her mouth tug upwards as she watched him walk away, his arm linked with Alexis'. She stared a bit longer than she meant to at the retreating seat of his jeans, and felt a touch of heat on her cheeks when he glanced back over his shoulder again and met her eyes with his. He grinned, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he'd just caught her ogling him.

"You coming, Kate?"

"Yeah." She smiled back and trotted after them.

* * *

Four hours later, the trio had just gone to the Bronco to put their purchases up. It was their sixth trip to the car, but Beckett had not bought anything yet. Castle locked the doors and turned to her.

"You have to find something." He demanded as he crossed his arms.

"Why?" Beckett asked with a laugh.

"It's a rule."

"I don't remember that rule." She crossed his arms to match his stance.

"It's unspoken."

Beckett looked at Alexis, who shrugged and nodded.

"There's one more section we haven't been through." Castle pointed back towards the open air building. "If you don't find something there, well, we will just have to start over."

"You're serious about this, aren't you?"

"Absolutely." Castle nodded sharply.

"Alright then." She smiled. "I'll look harder."

"Good."

They walked back to the booths and started down the one aisle they hadn't yet explored. So far their conversations had been limited to the environment they were in. They'd talked about items they saw, pointed out interesting people, and generally just kept the topics light. However, after four hours, plus the small talk in the car on the way there, they were pretty much out of things to discuss. So as they traversed the pathway of overpriced offerings, Beckett decided to find out a little more about Castle.

"What are you going to do now, Rick?"

"Find you something here that you want."

"No, I meant work wise." Beckett elaborated. "The Storm series is done, so what will you film next?"

"Oh." He paused as he stepped up to a table to check out something that Beckett couldn't see. He set it down after a moment and continued. "My agent is working on a deal that would lock me in to be the next guy to play-"

"Dad!" Alexis interrupted. "You said we can't say his name because it would jinx it."

"Thank you, dear daughter." Castle held a hand to his chest and bowed slightly to her, earning an eye roll from the red-head, then he turned back to Beckett. "Let's just say I'd be tapped to play a certain British spy."

"Wow." Beckett grinned. "That's impressive."

"Yeah." Castle sighed. "But I'm not sure I'm going to do it."

"Why not?"

"I'm considering getting into television. Something that would be a bit more sustainable than movies. And although the hours would still be long, I'd be on more of a regular schedule." He stopped and looked at Alexis, who had moved ahead several tables to look at some handmade jewlery. "It'd give me more time to plan stuff with Alexis. She'll be headed off to college in a couple years, and I want to spend as much time with her as I can."

"That's really sweet." Beckett glanced at Alexis, then looked back at Castle. "Any particular shows you are interested in?"

"Not exactly." He pointed to a windchime with some sort of bird on top. Beckett shook her head no, so he continued talking. "I would really love to do something in the science fiction genre. Or a crime show. I love crime shows."

"Crime shows seem to be more popular than sci-fi shows. They tend to last longer, too."

"True." He sighed again. "I'm just going to keep my options open. Wait until I see what is best for Alexis."

Beckett slowed her pace enough so that Castle was walking a few steps ahead of her. What in the world had prompted her to tell him what kind of show he should be on? She felt oddly at home with the Castles and that put her at ease in a way she wasn't used to, but it had her speaking out of turn. She had no say in his life. Honestly, she was pleasantly surprised at the kind of father he was. The man she'd seen today was practically an entirely different person than the flirtatious, pompous, man she'd met on the soundstage several days ago. He was, for lack of a better word, normal. Here he was just a dad having fun on a Saturday with his daughter. And his daughter's bodyguard. But he did make a living off playing characters, so at this point Beckett didn't have a clue which one was the 'real' Castle. Not that it mattered. Her job was to look out for Alexis' well-being, and so knowing more about Castle's true personality was not her concern.

"Hey, Kate." Alexis' voice pulled Beckett out of her thoughts.

"Yeah?" She answered.

"See anything you like?"

"Not yet, no." She shrugged. "I'm not much of a flea marketer. I guess I'm not all that good at it."

"What kind of stuff do you like? I'll help you look." Alexis asked. "Because trust me, Dad will make good on his declaration about starting over." She leaned in a lowered her voice. "And if we start over, he's going to make us try all the food again."

"I heard that." Castle said from across the aisle. "And I don't care what you say. The food here is delicious."

"Yes, it is." Alexis crossed her arms. "But we've had deep fried pickles, a funnel cake, corn-dogs, fried candy bars, and buffalo tacos."

"Oh, and that frozen lemonade." Beckett added. "And the ice cream. You made us try all seventeen flavors."

"Don't forget the corn-on-a-cob-on-a-stick." Castle patted his stomach. "Actually, I still don't really understand that one. But it was tasty. All of it was."

"It was." Beckett nodded. "But I may never eat again."

"Hear, hear." Alexis laughed.

"Whatever." Castle huffed exaggeratedly. "You can both keep on hating. I loved every bite."

Beckett was about to reply when she saw it. The thing she wanted. She walked past Castle and stepped up to the table he'd been browsing. She reached for the statue and picked it up. It was about two feet long, and while there was a whimsical feeling to it, it gave off a sophisticated aura as well. The majority of it was a creamy, buff ivory that was smooth to the touch. It also had sections of vivid color along the top, liked jewled blankets of reds, greens, and blues.

"Elephants?" Castle asked.

"Yes." Beckett smiled at him. "I like elephants."

"Well, that has five of them. Seems perfect." He grinned back.

Beckett held the oversized knickknack up to show the woman behind the table.

"How much for this?"

"I've got that marked down this weekend." The muumuu clad woman said gleefully, showing off her utter lack of teeth. "It's yours for just two fifty."

"Two dollars and fifty cents?" Castle gasped. "What a deal."

"Very funny, sonny." The woman glared at him before looking back at Beckett. "What do you say? I can tell you want it."

Beckett did want it. But with the expense of her move she knew she shouldn't be blowing that much money on something that would just be collecting dust on the mantle, even if the price did seem fair. Her internal struggle to make a decision was interrupted by Alexis.

"Come on, Kate. I saw another elephant statue earlier today, and it had more elephants. It was only thirty dollars."

"Where?" Beckett asked.

"On the other side of the market. I'll show you."

The toothless woman guffawed, earning her three surprised stares.

"That's probably at Randolf's booth." She said. "That fool sells nothing but cheap knockoffs. He wouldn't know real art if it was painted on his eyelids." She glanced at each of them, then her gaze settled back on Beckett. "Tell you what. I'm feeling generous. I'll let you have it for two hundred."

Beckett ran a finger over the colored backs of each elephant and sighed.

"Okay." She set it down and pulled her wallet from her pocket.

She pulled out her debit card and heard the old woman suck in a disapproving breath.

"Sorry, dearie." She told Beckett. "I only take cash."

"I didn't bring any cash with me." Beckett had an undeniable disappointment in her voice.

"There was an ATM near the food section." Castle said.

"There was?"

"I saw it too." Alexis agreed. "I can take you there." She turned to Castle. "Dad, we'll be right back."

She started towards the center of the market, so Beckett threw a quick glance at Castle and then quickly caught up to her after he nodded at her.

"Hey Alexis." Beckett began. "I never saw any other elephant statues. Where was it?"

"Oh I just said that so we could get Madame Muumuu in a bargaining mood." Alexis smiled. "Which is actually easy to do. Most of these sellers love to bargain. They price stuff really high to allow for it."

Beckett laughed and shook her head.

"You and your dad have lots of little tricks, don't you?"

"We do. That is one of many. We didn't have to use much flea market magic today. Maybe we can show you more next time."

Next time? Of course Beckett was expecting to spend a lot of time with Alexis. That was her job now. But she'd thought this particular outing was merely a good way for her to meet Alexis. Would Rick be with them a lot? Beckett was about to ask Alexis that question when she noticed her reading something on her phone. The teenager replaced the phone into her pocket and looked up at Beckett.

"Let's go back." She said.

"I still need to get the money to pay for the statue."

"Trust me." Alexis gestured with her head in the direction they'd come from. "There's not an ATM anyway."

"What?"

Beckett's question fell on already departing ears, and she received no answer. She had no choice but to follow her. Halfway back to where they'd left Castle they found him walking towards them. In his hands was the elephant statue.

"I believe this trunked trinket belongs to you." He said as he handed it to Beckett.

"I didn't get the money yet." She replied.

"It's already bought and paid for."

"Rick, no." Beckett tried to give it back to him but he wouldn't take it. "You refused to let me pay for any of the food today, and I'm not letting you spend another penny on me."

"I didn't spend a penny." He joked.

"I'm serious. If you'll stop at an ATM on the way back to your place, I'll get the cash and pay you back for it."

"Kate." He smiled. "It's a gift."

She opened her mouth but he held up a hand.

"Okay, Dad." Alexis said. "We should get going. We all got something now, and I have homework."

"Alexis, it's Saturday." Castle groaned. "No one does homework on Saturdays."

"I have to get good grades so I can get a good job so I can support you in your old age after you blow all your not so hard earned money on canned bacon and property on the moon."

"Hey, you'll thank me for that someday."

"I'm sure I will, Dad."

Alexis stepped up to his side and put an arm around his waist, then he put an arm across her shoulders. He pulled her closer and planted a loud kiss on top of her head. Before Beckett knew what she was doing, Alexis reached out with her other arm and stuck it through the crook of Beckett's bent elbow and tugged gently to get her to walk with them.

And just like that, they made their way to the car. Like it was totally normal for them to all be connected. Like they'd known each other for more than a few hours or days. Like a family.

* * *

"I can't believe you actually have a moat." Beckett laughed, the sound light and free.

"It's just a little one." Castle said. "It's not like it goes around the entire house."

"No." Beckett said through her continuing chuckles. "Just around the back porch. And the drawbridge is a nice touch too."

"In my defense, the moat was already here when I bought the house." Castle pretended to pout. "The drawbridge was my doing though. It was just a raised walkway before."

"Well, I do like it." Beckett had stopped laughing, but she smiled at Castle. "The whole house is overwhelmingly fantastic."

"Thank you. I know it's huge and crazy and ridiculous, but Alexis and I have a lot of fun here." He sighed happily at the rush of good memories that flooded his mind, then turned to Beckett. "You want something to drink? The tour took a bit longer than normal, and I'm parched."

"Yeah, some water would be great."

"Right this way."

He started towards one of the many back doors. Beckett knew it would lead them to the kitchen. After they'd gotten back from the flea market, Castle had asked if he could give her the grand tour. She agreed, not knowing it would take nearly an hour thanks to his inability to show without telling. Alexis had retreated to her room to tackle the stack of homework awaiting her, but Fred and Sherlock had followed them for most of the tour.

As Castle went to the fridge to get the drinks, she reflected on the things she'd seen. The house was far less medieval looking on the inside. It was however, decked out in the finest of decor and the comfiest of furniture. All the electronic equipment was state-of-the-art, and there was even some that hadn't yet to be released to the general public. In summation, the Castle household offered the best of everything, in a perfectly homey way.

"Here you go." Castle held out a glass.

"Thank you." Beckett took it from and sipped at the almost too cold to drink ice water. "That hits the spot."

"Want anything to eat?"

"Oh no." She put a hand over her still too full stomach. "I really don't think I'll be able to eat for at least a week."

Castle laughed and she joined in, but any further conversation was cut off by the phone ringing. He walked over to the nearest handset and checked the caller id. He read the name and stepped towards the stairs.

"Alexis?" He yelled out with his head tilted upwards.

"Yeah?" She called back down.

"It's your Grams. Want to talk first?"

"Yes!" She said excitedly.

"Tell her I have company and I'll call her back later, please."

"Will do. I'll grab it up here. Thanks."

A few moments later the ringing stopped. Castle set the phone back into its cradle and leaned against the counter. He took several large gulps of his own water and put the glass back down.

"I should probably be going." Beckett said abruptly.

"Don't run off because the phone rang. My mother mostly wants to talk to Alexis usually anyways. I'll call her back, no big deal. You know, she actually lives in New York City."

"Really?" Beckett's mouth dropped open slightly in shock.

"Yeah, she's an actress. Stage, mostly. I followed in her acting footsteps, but I opted for the big screen. That's why I moved out here. I ended up meeting Alexis' mother and getting my big break all within the first year." He chuckled. "But that's a story that I need something stronger than water to tell."

"What is your mother's name?"

"Martha Rodgers."

Beckett scrunched her face in thought, but shook her head a few seconds later.

"I went to plays every now and then, but her name doesn't ring a bell."

"No, I don't imagine it would. She got out of the limelight about ten years ago. Opened an acting school."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"So, is Castle just a stage name, per se?"

"Yes and no." He took another drink of his water. "I changed my name legally, but I did it for my acting career. So stage name, but a legal one."

"Okay." Beckett drank some more too. "And what about your father?"

"I never met him."

"Never?"

"I don't even know who he is."

"Your mother didn't even tell you his name?"

"Let's just say my mother did a lot of touring shows, and leave it at that."

"Oh."

Castle shrugged and finished his water.

"What about your parents?"

Beckett swallowed hard and sighed.

"My dad is back in New York. He lives just outside the city." She paused and gave a half smile. "He says that way he has the convenience of the city but still can find some natural nature. And my mom, um, she died. Eleven years ago. She was murdered."

Castle's face grew forlorn.

"I'm sorry, Kate."

"Me too." She responded simply.

"And I am offically not asking you anything else about your life. Because every time I do, it makes you sad."

"Once again, Rick, you couldn't have known. But if it helps, I haven't lost anyone else close to me. At least, not to murder."

"Nonetheless, we are done with the past for today."

"Okay." Beckett smiled and checked her watch. "I actually really should get going. I want to avoid the roads at night for a while if I can. It's confusing enough driving around here when I can see everything."

"You'll get used to it before you know it. It's like New York, just with a few less taxis and a lot more surfboards."

They both laughed and then she headed towards the front door, hearing his footsteps behind her the whole way. She opened the door and turned back to him.

"Tell Alexis bye for me, please, and that I'll see her Monday after school."

"I will."

"Thank you for today. For the adventure, and the food, and the statue."

"You're welcome."

"I'd still like to repay you."

"Just take care of my daughter." He smiled. "I owe you so much more than a Saturday at a smelly outdoor market for doing that."

"I can do that, no problem."

"Good."

He smiled again, and Beckett could swear his voice had dropped at least an octave. Suddenly he took a step closer to her, closing the space between them to less than a foot, and began to lean down towards her. She realized what he was doing and pulled away before his lips could brush over hers. He straightened up and took a few steps back.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Beckett said quickly. "I just, I'm not...I want to keep this strictly business." She smiled cordially. "Well, mostly business."

"I understand." Castle smiled back. "It won't happen again."

"Goodnight, Rick."

"Goodnight. Drive safe. Oh, and the gate will open automatically when you pull up to it."

"Thank you." She started down the stairs.

"Hey, Kate?" He waited for her to look back up at him. "Just now, what almost happened, that wasn't what today was about."

"I know."

"Okay. Just checking. Bye."

Beckett headed for her car, determined not to stop again. She unlocked it, slid in, and waited for Castle to go back in and shut his front door. Then she let out the breath she'd been holding. She couldn't believe she'd almost fallen for his playboyish charms. But there was something intoxicating about him. She'd definitely have to keep this totally on the professional side from this point forward. A relationship, no matter how casual it may be, was the last thing she wanted right now. Especially with someone like Castle.

She let another sigh slip out as she glanced at the elephant statue she'd stashed in the passenger seat earlier. Then she cranked the car, shifted into drive and pressed her foot lightly to the gas pedal. Perhaps she could go for a few laps in the pool when she got home. That would certainly help her clear her head.

Hopefully.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

The hiss of bullets flying through the air had Beckett ducking for cover. The oversized crate was only four feet tall, but it was far wider and thanks to the wall at her back, it only had one point of attack. She'd emptied her weapon, so she took a much needed moment to reload with a new magazine. Her breathing was rapid and shallow, and she desperately sucked in a few gulps of air to try to slow her pounding heart.

Nothing about this had gone to plan. It was supposed to be a simple arrest. They were supposed to swoop in, take everyone by surprise, and end this thing. She didn't know how, but the suspects had been ready for them, like they'd been tipped off. The gunfire had started the second Beckett had kicked the door in. She'd been separated from the rest of her team, and they hadn't brought the ear coms, so they had no way of communicating.

Suddenly the wood just above her head splintered, and she could see where the bullet that caused the tiny eruption ended up in the wall. She shook her head to clear it, knowing if she didn't bring her focus back in control, this would be where she would die. She cocked her head and strained to hear anything through all the noise that would tell her where to aim. The new angle revealed her savior.

The large round mirror hung about ten feet up the wall, and it gave her a relatively good view of most of the room. Almost immediately she saw one of the shooters, and she turned her body just enough to line up the shot. She took in a final deep breath to steady her nerves and hands. Then she made her move.

Standing up boldly gave her the element of surprise and she got a round off first. It found it's target, and the gunman fell to the ground, his blood spreading around him from the hole in his head. Beckett retreated back down behind the crate and checked the mirror again. Her eyes darted over the span of the reflective glass, but she couldn't see anyone else. Then, as suddenly as it had begun, all the shooting stopped.

"Beckett?" A voice yelled out.

"Yeah!" She replied to her teammate. "I'm good, Daniels."

"It's clear." He called back.

As Beckett stood up, she heard Daniels continue his impromptu roll call. Stevens, Goodsen, Campbell, and Montgomery all answered and appeared from the places they'd taken cover. But when Sorenson's name flew from Daniel's lips, no one heard anything.

"Sorenson!" Montgomery bellowed. "Report."

The loudest silence Beckett had ever heard fell over the warehouse. By now the team had grouped together near the center of the room, and without needing the command spoken, they branched out to look for their unanswering comrade. It took seventeen seconds to find him.

"Sir!" Campbell called to Montgomery. "He's over here."

Everyone ran towards the corner of the room where Campbell was standing. Beckett was the furthest away, so she arrived last, but by the time she made it across the room, Campbell had turned to face her. He grabbed her on the arms, his grip firm as she fought against it.

"Let me go, Campbell." She hissed.

"No, Beckett, you need to stay over here."

She stopped struggling and locked her wild, darkened brown eyes on his grief filled green ones.

"Let me go." Her voice was quiet and calm, but her tone was vicious. "Now."

"It's okay, Campbell." Montgomery sighed from a few feet away. "Let her go."

Campbell swallowed hard as obvious disagreement washed over his face, but he slowly took his hands off Beckett's arms. She nodded her thanks as she holstered her gun, then took a deep breath. She let it out slowly while walking past the other men on her team. When she saw him, she quit caring where she was or who was there with her. She broke down.

She fell to her knees next to his body, and her brain failed to notice that his blood was now soaking into her jeans. Her hands took hold of one of his, the coolness of his skin surprising. He couldn't have been gone for more than a couple of minutes, but he already seemed to feel as cold as ice to Beckett. His eyes were open but lifeless, fixed on some point on the ceiling. She leaned down and pressed a light kiss to his clammy forehead, her slow, silent tears staining his paling cheeks.

Feeling like she'd been shot herself, Beckett sat upright with a vicious jolt. Everything was dark and she was totally drenched in a cold sweat. Her throat felt raw and a touch of warmth carresed her cheeks as each tear flowed from eye to chin. Her breathing was ragged, and her chest was painfully tight.

Knowing she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, and not wanting to anyway, she shoved the covers aside and got out of bed. Stripping as she went, she stepped into the shower and turned the spray on full blast. The frigidness stole all the oxygen from her lungs, and she started shivering immediately. The physical shock was just what she needed to pull her fully into reality.

As the water warmed, she began to feel normal again. Her breathing became regular and her tears stopped. It had been a a few weeks since she'd had a nightmare. But that didn't stop the ferocity of them. It was usually that night. The shootout. Will. Sometimes it was her mother. Sometimes it was a mix of the two. One thing never changed, though.

She hated the nightmares.

* * *

"Good morning, Mrs. Castle."

"Funny, Austin." Beckett sighed. "Please tell me there's not a new picture."

"There's not." The young man's bright blue eyes shined mischievously.

"Need I remind you that not only am I not Mrs. Castle, my relationship with him is nothing more than a working one."

"I know." Austin grinned, a crooked expression that Beckett was sure the girls he went to college with fawned over. "I just like seeing you blush when I call you that."

Beckett shook her head, but she had to laugh at that. This was their normal exchange, and had been for over two months. It had started the Monday after she'd gone to the flea market with Castle and Alexis. Someone had spotted them and secretly snapped a picture. The next day it was on the front page of every tabloid in town, each with a headline asking if the mystery woman was Castle's new squeeze. Beckett had found out when she stopped at the little coffee shop by her apartment and Austin had recognized her from the photo. Since he worked most mornings and she stopped for coffee nearly as often, they had become friendly acquaintances, and he would tease her every time a new picture of her surfaced.

Thankfully it only happened every now and then, as she was usually just with Alexis, and the paparazzi were easier to avoid that way. Usually she only spent time with Castle sans Alexis on the nights the gang went to Castle's bar. It was a closely garded secret that he owned The Watering Hole, so they were actually able to hang out in peace when they were there. And although the rumor mills and the false reporting and the sometimes altered photos annoyed her, she did blush when Austin called her Mrs. Castle. She just couldn't help herself.

"If I'm married to a celebrity, do I get a discount?" Beckett asked, just like she did every time.

"You aren't married to a celebrity." Austin replied familiarly.

"And don't you forget it." Beckett responded with a wink.

"Yes ma'am." Austin jerked his head sideways to get a few stray locks of sandy blond hair out of his eyes. "The usual?"

"Please."

He turned to begin fixing her drink and she leafed absentmindedly through a magazine while she waited. A few minutes later he returned to the counter and held her normal order out to her.

"Grande skim latte with a double shot of sugar free vanilla, and a bear claw."

"You're going to have to quit feeding me these things." Beckett joked as she took the pastry. "Otherwise I'll have to intensify my workouts."

"You say that every morning, yet you always take it." Austin grinned.

"Yeah, yeah." Beckett laid the money for her breakfast on the counter and took the steaming drink from his hands. "It's because you make them taste way too good."

"I'll try to make them grosser."

"You do that. Thanks, and have a good day, Austin."

"Same to you, Mrs. Castle."

Beckett rolled her eyes as she left the shop, thankful that she was already heading out the door so Austin didn't see the heat tinting her cheeks again. The heaviness of the nightmare was still weighing on her mind, but the lighthearted banter helped. Plus, the coffee warmed her delightfully and the bear claw was seriously delicious enough to divert her focus from the night to the present. Now she was about to spend the day with a handful of teenagers. If that didn't get her thoughts out of the dark past, not much would.

* * *

"I haven't spent that much time in a mall in years." Beckett sighed, the sound tired yet content.

"Yeah." Alexis laughed. "I should have mentioned that my friends really love shopping."

"That's the understatement of the year." Beckett laughed. "You didn't buy anything though."

Alexis shrugged and glanced up at the setting sun. The orange and pink streaks didn't give off the same blinding heat as the midday sun, but the air all around them was still thick with the warmth of summer.

"I didn't need anything, and I didn't see anything I wanted." She replied a couple of minutes later.

"Now, I don't know about that."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw something, or rather someone, that you seemed to be interested in." Beckett grinned knowingly as Alexis' cheeks turned as red as the fading sunlight. "Brian was his name, right?"

"How could you tell?" Alexis asked, answering the question with her own.

"I was sixteen once. I know what the looks you were giving him mean." Beckett smiled widely. "I used them on many an unsuspecting teenage boy."

"He's so...well, for lack of better word, dreamy." Alexis said, a hint of swoon in her tone.

"Don't tell him that."

"Why not?"

"You can't let a guy know you like him. You have to make him realize he likes you, so he'll come to you." Beckett told her. "They have to think it was all their idea. That way they want to work hard for it."

"So, play hard to get?" Alexis asked.

"Exactly."

"Is that what you're doing with my dad?"

Beckett choked on her own breath. Her eyes watered with the force of her coughing. It took her a few moments to get herself back under control. When she did, she looked at Alexis, meeting the surprise-widened blue eyes with her own.

"Why would you ask that?" She finally huffed out.

"I can tell you like him." Alexis said as nonchalantly as if she were giving Beckett the time of day.

"What?"

"You look at him the way I look at Brian."

Beckett didn't know whether she should laugh, cry, walk away, hug Alexis, or scream out loud. Sure, she was attracted to Castle, but who wouldn't be? Alexis knew the tabloids were bogus, so she wouldn't have taken them seriously. And Beckett knew she hadn't voiced her feelings for Castle to Alexis. So how had she figured out that Beckett liked Castle? Was she really that obvious?

"No, Alexis. I'm not playing hard to get. Your dad is just a friend." Beckett hoped she sounded more convincing to Alexis than she did to herself. "You are the Castle that I'm most interested in."

"Well, if you don't like him that way, then you won't care to know that he wants to ask you to go to the _Storm Fall_ premiere with him."

"Won't I already be there?" Beckett asked. "I assumed I'd be watching out for you."

"I'm not going. I hate those red carpet events. All the cameras, the shouting, the microphones shoved in my face." Alexis shuddered. "And I'm not even the famous one. Dad gets it worse than I do."

"Oh." Beckett sighed. "Well, won't he be taking his girlfriend?"

"Dad doesn't have a girlfriend." Alexis scrunched up her face.

"But he's always going on dates."

"They're just for publicity. Most of those women work for the studio. It's all just to give the media something to gossip about."

"No, I know about those dates. I'm talking about the dates he goes on at least once or twice a week. He says he's going out with his best girl."

"Oh." Alexis laughed. "That's me."

"You?"

"Yeah. We have daddy-daughter dates all the time. We go to movies in disguise for the thrill or play laser tag. Or do things like the flea market." Alexis chuckled at something funny only to her. "He hasn't had a long term girlfriend in years." She studied Beckett for a moment, then continued. "He likes you too."

Before Beckett could respond, Alexis stood up from the bench they were sitting on and headed for a garbage can that was a few feet from them. She threw her empty styrofoam cup into the opening and turned back to Beckett, who rose and tossed out her trash too.

"I never said I liked him." She said, realizing immediately how juvenile the words sounded.

"Whatever, Kate." Alexis grinned her father's playful, toothy smile. "Say what you want, I'm not going to push the issue. Except to say that I think you should kiss him while the two of you are still young."

"Excuse me?" Beckett demanded, embarrassed shock bubbling up in her.

"It's totally obvious that you two like each other. The love eyeballs give it away."

"Love eyeballs?"

"Oh yeah. It's almost enough to make the rest of us nauseous."

Beckett was trying to think up the proper response when she caught sight of Alexis' eyes and saw the twinkle in them. Oh that girl. She was teasing her. Successfully. She bit her lip lightly to keep the laughter in.

"Come on, Alexis. Let's put the matters of the heart to rest and get you home."

"Okay." She agreed, but that goofy grin never left her face.

Alexis started towards the car, which was parked about fifty feet away, and Beckett followed her. Once they'd settled in their seats, Alexis turned slightly towards Beckett.

"Thanks again for the milkshake."

"You're welcome." Beckett smiled as she started the car. "And what's the consensus? Was I right?"

"Yes." Alexis nodded. "Strawberry is way better than chocolate."

"Smart girl."

Beckett pulled into traffic as Alexis searched for a good song on the radio. It was official. She'd survived shoot-outs and knife fights and hundreds of suspects takedowns. She'd looked oblivion in the face time after time and walked away to tell about it. But Richard Castle's daughter was going to be the death of her.

* * *

Beckett watched Alexis climb the stairs and was about to drive off when Castle appeared in the doorway and headed towards her car. She rolled the window down as he approached. When he passed through the headlights, Beckett noticed that he was wearing well fitting jeans and a black tee-shirt that did nothing to hide his amble biceps. She was glad it was nearly dark, because even she couldn't stop the rush of desire that flashed in her eyes. Luckily it passed before he got close enough to see it.

"Hey." He said as he leaned down to talk through the open window. "Alexis said you needed to ask me something?"

Oh that girl. Again. Beckett shook her head.

"Nope. Not sure what she meant."

"Okay. Well, Since I'm here, I have a question for you."

Beckett swallowed imperceptibly.

"What's up?" She asked, even though she was pretty sure what the question was.

"I was wondering if you'd want to go the _Storm Fall_ premiere with me."

Everything inside of her went to war. Half of her said say yes, the other half told her to press the gas pedal to the floor. Her hesitation prompted him to continue.

"I mean, it would be as friends, of course. Just like going to the bar." He grinned. "But with more cameras. So many more cameras."

Maybe it was the cuteness of his face as he waited for her answer, maybe it was the result of spending the day surrounded by teenagers, or maybe it was her conversation with Alexis. Whatever the reason, she suddenly decided to play hard to get. A least a little.

"I'm not sure. Let me check my calendar and get back to you?"

"Yeah, that'd be fine." He smiled, but Beckett heard the tinge of disappointment in the background of his voice. "You know when it is?"

"I do." She smiled back at him. "See you later, Rick."

"Goodnight."

He stepped back and she rolled up the window. Then she shifted into drive and stepped on the gas, propelling her car down the driveway.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

She'd said yes. Why? This wasn't her world, the glitz and glamour and makeup artists and fancy dresses. Plus, how was this keeping things mostly business? The day after Castle had asked her to the premiere, she'd told him she would go with him. Later that day, Beckett had admitted to Alexis that she literally didn't have anything to wear to such an event, nor did she know what to even look for. Alexis had smiled, grabbed her phone, made two calls, and told Beckett that everything was taken care of. All she had to do was show up at the studio's make up room five hours before the show was set to start.

So she had. Now, just over four hours after walking into the brightly lit room, she'd been given what amounted to a total makeover. Her hair had been done up in a elegantly simple bun. Her makeup was perfect, practically invisible except just where it was needed to highlight her natural features. And the dress was the most beautiful thing Beckett had ever worn. It was a deep, dark purple, made of shimmery silk that draped over her body like it had been painted on, yet it somehow wasn't too tight. It was floor length, even with the silver four inch heels she was wearing.

Honestly, looking in the mirror, she barely recognized herself. The woman looking back at her was so unlike any reflection that she'd ever seen. She loved it and feared it all at the same time. There had been a few undercover investigations she'd done that had called for something fancier than her day-to-day slacks and dress shirts, but never anything like this.

"Kate?"

Beckett looked up and met Alexis' gaze in the mirror.

"Yeah?" Beckett replied.

"Dad is here to pick you up."

"Oh, okay. Thank you." She turned around to face Alexis. "Are you sure you're okay with this? I could blow off the premiere and take you home. Or wherever you want to go."

"Oh no, Kate. You're not getting out of this that easily." Alexis grinned. "Plus, you know the guys are taking me out to get some dinner and then taking me home."

"But wouldn't Espo and Ryan rather go to the premiere? I mean, they are used to this kind of thing."

"No way! We hate those things!"

Beckett and Alexis looked to the door where they'd heard Ryan's voice. He came into the room followed by Esposito, both holding a hand over their eyes.

"Funny, guys." Beckett chuckled. "You can look."

They slowly pulled their hands from their faces and gave Beckett a full body once-over. Esposito wolf whistled and Beckett felt the blood rushing to her face.

"You clean up nice, Kate." Ryan said with a wink.

"You certainly do." Esposito agreed.

"What, no nickname?" Beckett raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"I honestly can't think of a good one. You stunned them all right out of me."

"Alright, that's enough ogling." Alexis crossed her arms as Beckett blushed again. "You two are married men."

"That is true." Esposito said.

"Yes." Ryan sighed whimsically. "Yes it is."

"Let's go. Kate and Dad will be late, and I'm hungry." Alexis nodded her head towards the door.

"Yes ma'am, Elextric Slide." Esposito smiled and started for the door.

Ryan fell into step behind him and Alexis was about to follow when she stopped and turned back to Beckett.

"You really do look beautiful, Kate."

"Thank you, Alexis. For all your help with this. I really was clueless."

"Hey, you've got my back, and I have yours."

Beckett bit her lip and nodded, her eyes bright with her gratefulness. She turned and grabbed the small clutch purse that matched her dress off the counter before heading after Alexis and the guys. She made her way down the hall and went through the door that Ryan was holding open for her. A loud gasp came from several feet away and she glanced up towards the sound. She froze when she saw Castle's intense gaze burning into her. Her mouth went dry when she saw the way his tuxedo fit him, each stitch of the tailored suit highlighting his body perfectly. The simple black tie around his neck bobbed as he swallowed, and Beckett had to shake her head to keep herself from thinking about she wanted to do to the skin under that thin strip of fabric.

From just below where she was standing, Esposito cleared his throat. When she looked down at him he grinned teasingly and held a hand up. She smirked at him, but then she allowed him to steady her as she came down the three steps. Moments later she was at Castle's side and a wide smile spread across his face, crinkling his eyes. Beckett smiled back, even though inside she suddenly felt apprehensive.

"Don't stay out past curfew, Beck and Call." Esposito called out from where he was standing by Ryan and Alexis. "The Rickster gets grumpy if you keep him out too late."

"I'll keep that in mind, thanks." Beckett responded without looking away from Castle.

"Have fun tonight, you two." Alexis said. "See you later, Dad."

"See you at home, Pumpkin." Castle replied as he looked over at her.

"Okay." She answered. "Shotgun!" She yelled suddenly before running to Ryan's car.

The two men followed her, Ryan laughing at something Esposito was mumbling too softly for Beckett or Castle to hear, but that they both knew probably had something to do with losing the right to ride up front. Once the three of them had driven away, Castle turned back to Beckett.

"You look amazing, Kate."

"Thank you. You're not looking too bad yourself, Rick."

He laughed and opened the back door of the limo and offered a hand to Beckett to help her inside.

"I've never ridden in a limo before." She told him.

"There's a first time for everything."

His tone had changed. It reminded Beckett of the way his voice sounded the night he'd almost kissed her three months ago. It sent a dangerously delicious shiver through her entire body, and she had to take a deep breath to calm herself. Not knowing how to respond without betraying the feelings she was having to work hard to hide, she simply nodded and got into the seat slowly, doing her best to ignore the warmth of his hand under hers. He slid in next to her and shut the door before pressing a button on the ceiling just above his head. A soft whir signaled the lowering of the window that separated them from the cab.

"Albert, we're ready to go." Castle told the driver, his voice thankfully back to normal.

"Okay, sir. We should be there in about five minutes."

"Thank you." Castle smiled again as he rolled the window back up.

"It's only five minutes to the premiere?" Beckett asked him.

"Yep."

"You got a limo for a five minute drive?"

"The studio handles all the transportation." He shrugged. "It's apparently not fancy enough if I don't show up in a limo. Hey, would you like a drink?" He pointed to a shelf of glasses.

"Not if we'll only be in the car for five minutes." She laughed.

"I could have Albert drive around the block a few times."

Oh no. She didn't want to be alone with him any longer than she had to. It was hard enough not to press him to the seat and smother his lips with hers. He was incredibly sexy anytime, but right now, in that tux, with less than a foot of air between them, she found herself losing her hold on her self control. Alcohol was the last thing she needed.

"That's okay. I'm not in the mood for a drink, anyway." She hoped he couldn't tell what she was in the mood for. "Thank you though."

"Okay then." He leaned back into his seat. "Thanks again for coming with me tonight. My publicists don't like me to appear single. Apparently it makes me more desirable if I'm already taken."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. I don't get it either. But they insist that I have a beautiful woman with me at any major event and I swear they try to find the dullest female to pair me with every time."

"It can't be that bad?" Beckett chuckled.

"Oh, but it can. All they want to talk about is how much they love my movies and how great an actor I am."

"And you don't like that?"

"No, I do." They both laughed. "But it's not what I want."

"What do you want?" Beckett asked, her voice softer than she intended.

"I want someone to be real with me. Keep me grounded." He sighed. "Despite what the media says, I'm really not all that wrapped up in myself."

"I know, Rick."

The thing was, Beckett did know. She'd been around him enough outside of the public eye to know that the man he really was could be seen not in the studio, flirting and fawning over himself, but at home or with his friends. He was down to earth, a wonderful and loving father, and a overall big-hearted man. Without thinking, Beckett reached out and squeezed his hand. He stiffened slightly, but before either could say anything else, the limo stopped and they could hear Albert getting out.

"Are you ready for this?" Castle asked.

"I hope so." She answered.

"You'll do great. Just let me do all the talking. You're here to enjoy yourself."

"And to keep the crazy fans away."

"Yeah, that too." He grinned. "But try to enjoy yourself anyway."

"I will."

His door opened and the sound of the crowd filled the air. Beckett could already see all the camera flashes giving the effect of a giant strobe light. She sucked in a deep breath and felt Castle tighten his grip on their still connected hands. He started to get out of the car and tugged on her hand gently.

"Here goes nothing." He said to her with a grin.

* * *

"I'm sorry about the ride here." Castle huffed as he followed Beckett into the elevator.

"Don't worry about it, Rick. You had to take those calls. It's part of your job."

"Just like it was your job to almost tackle that woman who asked me to sign her chest?"

Beckett groaned and pushed the button for her floor.

"She was practically taking her dress off right in front of you and I didn't want anyone to get a picture of you and a topless stranger on the red carpet. That's part of my job."

"I think if I hadn't been holding on to you, you would have jumped over the rope barrier and taken her out."

"I wasn't that bad." She waited a moment as the elevator dinged it's way through another floor. "Was I?"

"You looked menacing enough to keep anyone else from asking for autographs."

"Ugh." She put her right hand up against her face. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was my favorite part of the night."

Beckett had to laugh at that, and Castle happily joined in. The elevator dinged again, signaling their arrival at their destination. She stepped out first and he trailed behind her. When they reached her apartment he leaned up against the wall next to the door.

"So." He sighed. "You didn't tell me what you thought of the movie."

Beckett finished fishing her keys out of the little purse and looked at him with a teasing sparkle in her eyes.

"I loved it. You're a great actor"

"Haha." He smirked sarcastically.

"Really though, it was good."

"Just good?"

"Well, the death scene was a little over the top."

"How so?" He demanded as he crossed his arms.

"Rick, you lifted your hand to the sky as you were bleeding profusely from a small caliber gunshot that wasn't even in a fatal part of your body and told your murdered girlfriend that you were on the way. Then you gurgled and closed your eyes as you slowly dropped back to the ground."

"Technically, that was Derek Storm. Not me."

"Whoever it was, it was cheesier than a bowl of queso."

Castle sighed and lowered his head, but then started laughing. He looked back up at Beckett.

"It was pretty ridiculous, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it was. But I'm sure the director forced you to do it that way. The rest of your acting was spot on."

"Thank you." He bowed exaggeratedly and had a quizzical look on his face when he straightened back up. "Hey, I never got to ask you if you had fun tonight."

"So ask me."

"Did you have fun tonight?"

"Yes."

"Good."

They stared at each other, the air thick with nervous tension, both of them feeling more like inexperienced teenagers than adults. They stayed frozen like that for several moments.

"I suppose I should be going." Castle finally broke the silence. "Thank you yet again for going with me tonight. You were the best company I've ever had a premiere."

"I could say the same about you." Beckett joked, eliciting a soft chuckle from Castle.

He stepped closer to her and reached for her hand without saying a word. His skin felt like fire as his fingers wrapped around hers. He leaned in slowly as he lifted her hand, and Beckett was thankful that from the direction his eyes were facing he couldn't see her hard swallow. His lips grazed quickly over the knuckle that connected her middle finger to her hand, and then moved to the center of the back of her hand. He lingered there, the damp warmth sending cold chills up Beckett's spine. After what felt like an eternity of seconds he broke away and dropped her hand from his.

"I hope the promise of not trying to kiss you again didn't extend to your hands." His voice was soft and gentle, far from what Beckett needed to hear to break the spell he had her under. "Because I'd hate to negate my promise."

"I suppose we can let it slide." Beckett replied, forcing steadyness into her words to hide the effect his simple lip brush had on her.

"I'm willing to look the other way if you are." He smiled. "Good night, Kate."

"Good night."

Beckett turned and let herself into her apartment before he reached the elevator. Not long after she shut the door she heard the bell announcing his departure. She exhaled a breath shakily and headed towards her bedroom. Sleep wouldn't come for a while; she was far too wound up from the excitement of the evening. Until then she just wanted to get out of the dress and curl up in bed with a book. Tomorrow she'd take the dress back to the studio before she went to pick up Alexis for yet another day out with her friends.

As she passed the kitchen she glanced at the clock on the microwave. Great. It was almost 1:00 in the morning. She would definitely be stopping by to see Austin in the morning. Oh well. This night had totally been worth the need for an extra cup of coffee. Or three.

* * *

"Come in."

Beckett opened the door and entered the room.

"You wanted to see me, Chief?"

Gates looked up from her desk and waved Beckett towards the chair she'd sat in the first time they'd met. Beckett shut the door, sat down, and waited for Gates to speak. She'd gotten the text message from Nancy as she was leaving the studio after dropping off the dress. Nancy had told her to report to Gates' office, but she hadn't given Beckett a clue as to what it was about.

"Beckett, I just want to start off by saying that I've heard nothing but good things about you."

"I'm just doing my job, Chief."

"Good." Gate removed her glasses, folded them up, and set them down on her desk. "But there is one thing I'd like to ask you about."

"Of course." Beckett licked her lips in anticipation.

"What is the status of your relationship with Richard Castle?"

"My relationship?"

"Yes."

"He's Alexis' father."

"That's it?"

"Yes ma'am." Beckett thought a moment. "Well, I mean, we go out for drinks sometimes, but Ryan and Esposito can tell you that it's just as friends. They're always there too."

"I'm aware of your evenings out. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of fraternizing with most clients." Gates stopped and cleared her throat. "As I've mentioned previously, Mr. Castle is a special client, so I let some things go that I normally wouldn't. But I won't tolerate a romantic relationship between one of my officers and a client. Not even for him."

Beckett felt as if her blood had stopped flowing.

"Chief, I can assure you, there is nothing romantic going on."

"I've had my concerns for a while, ever since that photo surfaced of your day out with him and Alexis. However, until now Ryan and Esposito have been able to throughly convince me that it was all the normal tabloid rubbish." She picked up the paper she'd been reading before Beckett walked in. "This does not look like rubbish to me though."

She handed it to Beckett, who took it tentatively. Covering most of the front page was a picture from the premiere. Castle was beaming as he looked down at Beckett, who was smiling widely back up at him from her place at his side, her arm through the crook of his elbow. The caption at the bottom asked in seventy point font if there was a _"New Queen in the Castle?"_. Beckett had already seen it thanks to Austin, and she knew the article inside began by pointing out that the cozy looking couple had been seen together several times around over the last few months. Beckett sighed and looked back up at Gates.

"Chief, it's a tabloid. They make things look like what they aren't. This is how they sell papers."

"It doesn't look photoshopped to me."

"It's not. But it is out of context. I was there as security, and as a friend. I'll admit, we do look an awful lot like a couple, but you can trust me when I say that it is not what it looks like."

Gates leaned back into her chair and folded her arms across her chest.

"I do trust you, Beckett, because I don't have a reason not to. Let me be clear though. When I say I do not tolerate something, I mean that I have zero tolerance. So if I find out that things have changed, that your relationship with him turns into anything remotely resembling an actual relationship, I will remove you from his employ." She paused and studied Beckett. "And if it were to continue after that point, I would remove you from Aegis completely. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal." Beckett replied simply.

"Good. You may go. Thank you for coming by."

"Thank you, Chief."

Beckett stood and left the office, her body stiff and her steps quick and measured. Once the door was closed behind her she slowly let out the breath she'd been holding. In a way, this was good. It gave Beckett an excuse to avoid acting on her feelings. Having a logical reason for keeping Castle at arms length would make it easier to do so. She started down the hallway, knowing that she was now running late to pick up Alexis. Luckily, the little Castle and her friends were more than enough of a distraction to get her mind off the elder Castle. No one could think about anything else when they were trying to keep track of a gaggle of teenagers while maintaining a respectable enough distance so as to not infringe on their coolness.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

"Hold on Dad, someone is knocking on my door."

"Okay."

Beckett crossed the room and looked through the peephole. She nearly dropped the phone when she saw the distorted face that was only about an inch from the the other side.

"Katie, what's wrong?" Her dad's worried voice came through the speaker.

"Nothing."

"Oh. You gasped."

"I did?"

"Yes."

"Didn't realize."

"You're distracted. Who's there?"

"Rick." She chuckled. "He was just really close to the door and I wasn't expecting to see a giant eyeball."

She heard her dad laugh as she looked back through the peephole. Castle was still filling the entirety of what she could see. He was so close that she didn't realize he'd lifted his arm until she heard him knocking again.

"Let me let you go then."

"I don't even know why he's here, Dad."

"Well, open the door and find out. If he doesn't stick around, then call me back. If he does, call me back later."

"Dad-"

"Don't be rude and make him stay out there any longer. I love you, Katie."

"I love you too, Dad. Happy Thanksgiving."

"Happy Thanksgiving. Bye."

"Bye."

Beckett hung up her phone and slipped it into her pocket, then reached for the deadbolt. She unlocked the door and pulled it open to see Castle's back. He turned around and a smile lit up his face when he saw her.

"Kate! Hi! I knocked twice, but when you didn't answer I thought maybe you weren't here, so I was about to leave."

"I was on the phone."

"Sorry."

"It's okay. What's up?"

"I'm bored."

"You're bored?"

"Yes. Alexis is at her mother's today."

"I know." Beckett interjected.

"Oh yeah." Castle ran a hand through his hair, smoothing a few stray wisps down. "So, want to do something?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "But neither of us is doing anything, so I figured we could do nothing together. I mean, not nothing. We can do something. Anything."

Beckett almost laughed at his sudden nervousness. He was never like this and it was an opportunity that she couldn't pass up.

"Who says I'm not doing anything?" She crossed her arms.

"Well, I just assumed, I mean, I don't know...I should have called...of course you have other friends and you probably do have plans since it is a holiday." His face was a mixture of confusion, disappointment, and embarrassment. "I'll just be going now. Sorry to have interrupted your phone call to stand here and blabber like an idiot."

He started to turn away and Beckett immediatley regretted teasing him.

"Rick, wait." Her voice halted his movement. "I was kidding." His expression changed to slightly hopeful. "I don't have plans, and it would be nice to get out of here instead of spending the whole day by myself." She bit her lip, the nervousness he'd had now filled her. "And honestly, I don't really have any friends here outside of you and the guys and Lanie and Jenny. I guess I don't get out much."

"So, what you're saying is?" He cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

Beckett rolled her eyes but couldn't stop herself from smiling.

"What I'm saying is, yes, I want to go do something."

"With me?"

"With you."

"Right now?"

"Yes. Let me go get ready." She stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. "It'll just take me a few minutes."

He went straight to the living room as she shut the door. She noticed the wide smile on his face as she passed him to go to her room, and the joy emitting from him made her stomach flutter. She shook her head to clear it and continued to the bedroom without a word.

Stopping off in her closet, she tried to decide what to wear. She hadn't left her apartment all morning and so she was still wearing a pair of lounge pants she had thrown on when she'd gotten up. Castle was wearing jeans, and seeing as how it was still hot outside during the early afternoons, she figured they'd be indoors. She pulled off the sweat pants and tugged on her favorite pair of jeans. They hugged her curves nicely, but not overtly so. She replaced her somewhat worn out white tee-shirt with a much newer green one. It was a mossy color that made her eyes look lighter and brought out the green in them. Lastly, she pulled on an old pair of tan boating shoes. They were perfectly broken in, and were her most comfortable shoes. Since she didn't know yet what they were going to be doing, she thought comfort was best.

The bathroom was her next stop. She quickly applied her makeup, keeping everything light so as to not look overdone. When she was finished she gave herself a once over in the floor length mirror on the back of her bathroom door. Presentable but casual. Exactly what she was going for.

"Thank you again for those." Beckett said as she came back into the living room.

Castle turned from the bookshelf to look at her.

"You're welcome. I like what you did with them."

They both looked back at the shelves.

"I still don't know how you knew when my birthday was." Beckett huffed as she walked up next to him.

"Alexis saw it on your driver's license one day." He admitted.

"Ahh." She shook her head and chuckled. "Your daughter is a sneaky one."

"That she is. So, did you name them all?"

"No." Beckett looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "Why would I name them?"

"I don't know." He turned his head so he could see her. "It's what I would do."

"Well, maybe I can get you to help me with that sometime."

"I'd like that." He replied softly.

"Good." Beckett swallowed, then took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "So, shall we go?"

"Yeah."

"Where are we going?"

"I'll tell you when we get there."

"It's not another flea market is it?" She groaned, but Castle didn't miss the hint of playfulness in her tone.

"I don't know of any flea markets that are open on Thanksgiving."

"Good point."

He laughed as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

"I'm going to call my car service." He told her as he pulled up his contacts.

"Don't do that. I'll drive."

"Kate, that's kind of what I have a car service for. To do the driving."

"I like to drive." She shrugged.

Castle regarded her for a moment and then nodded.

"Okay then." He put the phone back into his pocket. "I'll navigate, you steer."

"Deal." She smiled and walked to the kitchen counter to grab her keys and wallet. "But if you get to pick the first place we go, I get to pick the second."

"Deal." He echoed.

They both headed for the door, and he went out first. Beckett took a moment to glance back over her shoulder at the virtual parade of elephant statues on the bookshelf. It had taken her two days to arrange them all to her liking. Castle had totally surprised her with a party at The Watering Hole, and on top of it he'd given her the sixteen elephants. He had told her it was all he could find on such short notice. The only response she'd been able to muster was to laugh and take the beer he'd been holding out to her.

"Kate?"

Beckett turned her attention to Castle. He was standing in the elevator holding the door open.

"Sorry. Let me lock up."

She shut the door and locked the deadbolt and the knob, then trotted over to the waiting elevator.

"You could name the little pink one Lucy." He suggested as she approached him.

"Lucy?" Beckett asked while stepping into the elevator.

"Pink elephants go hand-in-hand with hallucinations. So, Lucy." Castle moved his finger from the button that had been holding the door open to the one for the first floor.

"Okay." Beckett laughed. "I'll accept that. What about the orange one with blue polka dots?"

"That one is going to be a bit harder." He replied as the elevator doors slid shut.

* * *

"Come on!" Castle threw his hands up in frustration. "It's like it's mocking me."

"I don't think bowling pins know how to mock someone, Rick." Beckett responded on a laugh.

"That ones does." He crossed his arms. "I keep getting two strikes in a row, then on my third attempt, that dang number ten pin refuses to fall."

"It's not like you need the points to win. You're ahead of me by over fifty points."

"I'm not trying to get three strikes in a row to win. I want to get a turkey because it's Thanksgiving."

Beckett almost laughed, but the frustrated look on Castle's face caused her to keep it in.

"Maybe you should try a different ball?" She suggested. "Use a different weight?"

"If I use one smaller than a sixteen, my fingers get stuck." Castle pouted.

This time Beckett couldn't stop the chuckle that bubbled out. She stood up, walked over to the automatic ball return and picked up her ball, then stepped up next to him.

"Let me try. It's my turn anyway."

"Kate, it's the tenth frame. There's no way you'll get a turkey on the tenth frame."

"Only one way to find out, isn't there?" She grinned. "Step back."

Castle did as he was told and Beckett lined up for her throw. She took in a few deeps breaths to channel her focus. Concentrating on the front pin, she moved forward and swung the deep blue ball at her target. Just before it left her hand she twisted her wrist slightly. The resulting spin sent the ball right where she wanted it and all ten pins fell with a crash.

"Lucky shot." Castle grunted from the table behind her.

"We'll see." Beckett replied without looking at him.

She waited for her ball to pop back out of the return and picked it up as the pins finished resetting. Repeating her exact pre-throw performance resulted in identical results, and she clapped excitedly when her second strike echoed through the mostly empty bowling alley. It was actually the only bowling alley they could find open, which had surprised Castle. But even with the place only being one-third full, Castle had asked for an alley on the far end of the room to help avoid contact with possible fans. An autograph for the kid at the register had granted them his request.

"This is the last throw of the game." Castle said, bringing Beckett out of her mind's sudden rabbit trail with a start when she realized he was standing directly behind her. "You could get the turkey." His mouth was inches from her ear and his voice was low. "Show me who's boss."

Oh, Beckett had to get back at him for that. She couldn't let him be the only player in this game. This wonderful, delicious, electrifying, career jeopardizing game. She knew she was treading on thin ice, both with her feelings and her job, but there were technically no rules against giving Castle a taste of his own medicine. Turning far enough so that she could look him in the eye, Beckett leaned in even closer until their faces were less than three inches apart.

"Castle?" She breathed out, delighting in the shudder she saw ripple through him.

"Yes?" He whispered back.

"I don't need a bowling ball to show you who's boss."

She bit her lip hard to keep herself from smiling as she turned away and went to retrive her ball again. It wasn't until she was lined up for her final shot that Castle spoke again.

"I liked that."

"Liked what?" Beckett asked without turning to look at him.

"When you called me Castle."

"That's your name, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but no one has ever said it like that."

Beckett's attempt to concentrate on the game was making it hard to keep up with what Castle was getting at. She sighed and turned back to him.

"What's your point, Rick?"

"Just that you make ancient architecture sound sexy."

Beckett blushed. Her cheeks literally felt like they were on fire. And when she saw the devilish smirk spread across his face, she didn't know whether she should smack him or kiss him. So she choose neither. Instead she just turned back to the awaiting pins and lined up again. Silently she zoned in, took a deep breath, reared her arm back and let the ball fly forward.

It rolled with a rhythmic clacking, curving exactly how Beckett wanted it to. It was headed straight for the same sweet spot on the front pin she'd hit the last two times. It increased in speed as it grew closer to it's goal, and Beckett found herself holding her breath in anticipation. Then, as if pushed, the ball's curve took a turn for the worse. It missed the first pin entirely, crashed wildly into the second pin, and then somehow bounced into the gutter. The single hit pin fell over, taking three more with it and two of those also each brought down a pin. When all was said and done, four pins remained untouched.

"Huh." Castle huffed. "How about them apples?" Beckett turned to him and he grinned. "Looks like I was right, doesn't it?"

"Don't gloat, okay?" Beckett crossed her arms. "Because it's really unattractive."

"You think I'm attractive?"

"I didn't say that." She answered as she sat down in a chair to take off her rented shoes.

"What, you don't want to play another game?"

"Six rounds of bowling is enough for me." Beckett shook her head. "You won the day fair and square, four games to two. I'll have to bowl better next time."

Castle opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind and simply sat down to remove his shoes too. A few minutes later the two of them had put the balls they'd used up and were heading to the front desk to return the shoes. There were no employees in sight, so they left the shoes on the counter.

"You think they want the socks back?" Beckett asked Castle with a laugh.

He looked at the socks she was holding up. He had bought them from a vending machine when they were told she couldn't bowl without socks.

"Yeah, I think those are meant for a single use." He pointed to a garbage can. Fruit of the loom they are not."

"Seems wasteful, Yoda." Beckett said.

"Wow. A Star Wars reference. Nice." He smiled and then pointed to the socks. "Seriously though, you won't hurt my feelings if you toss them out."

"I'll have to remember to bring my own next time." She sighed as she threw the socks out, silently agreeing with Castle about their quality. "Okay, let's go. My turn to pick now."

"Lead the way." Castle opened the front door for her.

He was glad to be behind her so she didn't see the goofy grin spreading across his face. She'd said next time twice in less than ten minutes. That right there made this one of his favorite Thanksgivings ever. He practically skipped to the car.

* * *

He'd avoided talking about them for the whole car ride so far, but he couldn't hold it back anymore. The last thing he wanted to do was push her past her comfort zone, but his feelings for her were growing every day and he needed to at least get an idea for where she stood. He knew he had to keep things simple, maybe even ambiguous. It was right around a year now since she'd lost her fiance, and although he didn't know many details, he knew she was still hurting, still wounded.

"You got quiet." Beckett said, wrenching him from his thoughts.

"I was thinking." He admitted.

"About what?"

"About how I'm glad that you are spending the day with me." He responded without thinking.

So much for easing into it. Beckett seemed to stiffen as a blur of emotion flashed in her eyes. He saw fear there, and confusion, but also a hint of something that just might be hope or joy. Maybe both. He wasn't sure. For the most part she was good at masking herself, and it was only when he was fully focused on her that he could catch on to these little opportunities to see the Kate through the Beckett. But he was getting better at it. So he noticed her relaxing back into her seat, her moment of panicked body language gone as quickly as it had appeared.

"I'm glad too." She smiled at him quickly, then looked back to the road.

"It's just that we haven't really spent any time together since the premire."

"I see you almost every day when I get Alexis or bring her home. And we still go out most Friday nights."

"I meant that we haven't spent much time together, just the two of us."

"Rick, I-"

"Kate, that came out wrong." He lied. "You're a great friend. I enjoy spending time with you. And my daughter loves you, which makes me even happier."

And just like that, Castle wanted to shove his foot all the way into his mouth. Kate went completely away and Beckett came back in full force. Her grip on the steering wheel tightened visably, and her mouth became a thin line. She swallowed a few times and then licked her lips. Her right foot found its way from the accelerator to the brake, and once she was stopped she undid her seatbelt and started to get out of the car.

"Kate, wait." Castle grabbed her hand, forcing her to stay where she was. He tugged lightly on her hand and didn't continue until she was facing him again. "Look. I'm actually not good at this kind of stuff. I don't think, I just speak. There's a lot of things about me that are nothing more than an act. I'm not as suave as I like to pretend I am."

"Rick."

"Let me finish. Please." He waited for her relunctant nod of approval. "I'm not asking for anything. I'm not expecting anything from you. I just want you to know that you're more than just Alexis' bodygaurd. I want you to know that you mean more than that to me."

"I do know that."

"Good."

"Here's the thing, Rick." She sighed loudly. "I hear what you're saying. I promise that I do. But I can't be anymore than I already am."

"Like I said, I'm not asking you to be."

"I'd like to be." She squeezed his hand, Gates' ultimatum be darned. This wasn't about some job. "Maybe someday I'll be able to be."

"I told you not long after we met that I wouldn't ask you about your past anymore, because it makes you sad. But Kate, you don't have to carry that burden alone. Perhaps this is all way too forward of me, but I need to say it."

How was he so in tune with her? Beckett truly didn't understand it. How could he know that the thing holding her back was the past he knew so little about? Yet another lip bite drove back the desire that was swelling inside her. She still couldn't completely ignore the warning she'd been given. But since he was unwittingly giving her so much, she could give him a little something back.

"Rick, I'm not saying never." She smiled. "I'm just saying not now. I know that isn't fair, or even that great of a promise, but it's all I can give you for now."

"It's more than enough." He smiled back at her.

They sat a moment in silence, then she pulled her hand from his and turned back to the door.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"We're here."

"Where?"

"Get out and see for yourself."

They both got out of the car and while Beckett locked up and walked around to the sidewalk, Castle read the sign on the building.

"This is where you wanted to go?"

"Yep." She started for the door.

"Okay then." He chuckled as he followed her. "I'm game."

* * *

Beckett had just finished helping put the clean dishes away and was now looking for Castle. They'd spent three hours alongside almost two dozen other volunteers feeding over five hundred homeless people a hot meal. It was amazing what a little turkey with all the Thanksgiving fixings and a piece of pie could do for a person who didn't even know where they'd be sleeping that night.

Castle had offered to help wash dishes too, but the shelter manager had asked if he'd mingle with the visitors instead. The jovial man told Castle that the folks that came by here didn't get to meet celebrities often and it would mean a lot to them if he'd be willing to sign a few autographs. He'd been reluctant at first, saying that it felt like he wasn't helping enough. But Beckett had encouraged him to do it, so they'd split up to perform their tasks.

Her search for him ended when she rounded the corner into the main room. He was standing in the corner talking to the mananger, whose name Beckett couldn't recall for some reason. As she drew near to them she heard snippets of their somewhat hushed conversation, something about promises of anonymity. She could see Castle hand something to the manager that was put quickly into his pocket. They shook hands and Beckett was about to call out to them when her phone buzzed. She pulled it out of the back pocket of her jeans and saw that it was Alexis who had texted her.

_Where are you right now?_

_I'm actually hanging out with your dad. What's up?_ Beckett typed back.

_Don't tell him you're talking to me, please._

_Why?_

_Can you get somewhere private and call me?_

Beckett's heart beat sped up and she started towards the door.

"Hey, Rick, I have to make a phone call. I'll be right back."

He was still absorbed in conversation with the manager, so his only reply was an absentminded wave. She pushed the door open, already hearing the ringing as she waited for Alexis to answer. It only took one and a half rings.

"Kate?"

"Yeah, it's me. Alexis, what is going on?"

"Is dad with you?"

"No, he's inside. No more stalling. What is going on?"

"Um, I'm at your apartment."

"What? I thought you were at your mom's for the rest of the weekend."

"I was supposed to be." Aleixs sighed shakily. "I needed to get out of there, and I didn't want to go home. I didn't know where else to go. But when I got here you weren't here. Obviously."

"What happened?" Beckett asked, the worry growing heavy in her chest.

"I'd rather wait and tell you in person."

"Are you hurt?"

"No."

"Alexis."

"I'm not hurt, Kate. I just...I need you."

Beckett swallowed the sob that rose in her throat when she heard how hard Alexis was fighting tears.

"Are you inside?"

"Yeah. I'm sitting in front of your door."

"I don't have a spare key anywhere. You stay right there. All the other people on my floor are out of town, so you should be fine waiting there. We'll be there in less than twenty minutes. Will you be okay for that long?"

"Yes, but Kate, please don't bring Dad."

Beckett's dread exploded with that statement. She wasn't sure if she should be going behind Castle's back on this one, but Alexis might not ever trust her again if she brought him.

"Okay. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you, Kate. I'm sorry to interrupt whatever it is you're doing." Alexis said, her voice still wavering with sorrow.

"Hey, you listen and you listen good. I'm always here for you first and foremost. Now sit tight and I will be there as soon as I can. Call or text me if you need me before I get there."

"Okay." Alexis said quietly.

Beckett hung up and almost ran back inside, but took a moment to calm herself. Castle would see right through her if she didn't. She went through the door and walked up to him.

"Excuse me, Rick, sorry to interrupt, but I need to talk to you for a second, if you don't mind."

"Sure." He looked back to the manager. "Give me a minute, Steve. I'll be right back."

"Take your time, Mr. Cas...I mean, Rick."

Beckett slipped an arm through Castle's elbow and pulled him a few feet away.

"Rick, I'm sorry, but I need to go."

"Is something wrong?" He asked, his eyes darkening instantly with concern.

"An old girlfriend of mine from college just called me. She's at my apartment because her boyfriend threw her out and she had no place else to go."

"Let's go then. I can come back another day and finish up with Steve."

"Um, I don't think she wants any guys around her right now."

"Oh."

"I'm so sorry, but can you get a ride home from your car service?"

"Of course, Kate. And I understand that I'd probably be in the way, but if you or your friend change your mind and you need me for anything, call me and I'll come right over. If she needs a lawyer for anything, I've got mine on speed-dial and he's the best there is."

"Thank you, Rick." Beckett sighed wearily. She had a feeling it was going to be a long night. "I'll call you later, when things calm down."

"Just if you feel like it." He leaned over and kissed the top of her head and picked up a hand in his and squeezed lightly. "Now, go on. Your friend needs you."

"Bye."

"Bye, Kate."

Beckett was already halfway to the door by the time the K had left his lips. She suddenly found herself wishing she still had her gum-ball light so she could get home faster. She didn't know what awaited her outside her front door, but it certainly hadn't sounded good.


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

Beckett took the steps two at a time, and she was gasping for air by the time she reached her floor. She burst through the stairwell door and saw Alexis jump up off the floor in surprise. Four long strides later she reached Alexis, and the teary eye teen threw her arms around her. At first Beckett was frozen, but then she placed her cheek on top of Alexis' head and wrapped her arms around her shuddering shoulders.

"What happened?" Beckett asked a few moments later.

"Could we go inside first?"Alexis sniffled loudly.

"Yeah. Let me unlock the door."

They broke apart from each other and Beckett got the door unlocked and open, then followed Alexis inside.

"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" Beckett asked.

"No thank you."

"Okay. It's time you tell me what is going on. Want to sit on the couch? "

Alexis nodded and they both headed to the living room. Beckett kicked off her shoes and sat on one end. Alexis sat down at the other end and began wringing her hands together.

"Hey, look at me." Beckett waited for her to turn her eyes to her. "Take a deep breath and relax. It's just you and me here."

Alexis took the suggested deep breath, and after letting it out slowly, she repeated the calming motion two more times. Beckett was also fighting her emotions, but she made sure to keep her inner struggle hidden. Her mind dredged up the memory of the night her mother had found out about her tattoo. She'd gotten it just three days after she'd been told by both parents that she couldn't have one. A few weeks allowance and a lie about her age was all it had taken to have a permanent reminder of her rebellious years. Her and her mother had a fight, during which they'd been standing and yelling at each other. Then, spent from their shared frustration, they'd collapsed on the couch and sat in silence, just like she was now with Alexis. Within ten minutes they'd somehow made their peace with each other and Beckett had found herself curled up in her mother's arms like a small child seeking comfort.

"Mom said I could invite some friends over." Alexis said suddenly, breaking the silence. "She was having a party and she is a more the merrier kind of person." She sighed loudly. "I texted a bunch of people, but only a few of them came over. Everyone else was still doing family stuff."

"Who showed up?" Beckett prodded gently.

"Brian, Rachel, and Karen. At first we just sat around the pool talking. After a couple hours we went inside to the party so we could get something to eat. I guess it was about thirty minutes later when I went to the bathroom. On the way back I heard Brian's voice coming from one of the spare bedrooms, so I went in to see what he was doing."

Beckett felt as if someone had grabbed her heart and clamped down.

"Did Brian do something to you?" She asked quietly, working hard to conceal the sudden anger that had flared within her.

It must not have worked because realization spread across Alexis' face before her expression changed to something almost apologetic.

"Oh my gosh, no. Kate, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to imply anything like that."

"No, I'm sorry." Beckett pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes for a second. "I shouldn't have jumped to that kind of conclusion." She opened her eyes and returned her hand to her lap. "Go ahead."

"When I walked in the room, Brian was there. So was Karen. They were making out." Alexis sighed. "I don't think they know I saw them, because I got out of there pretty quick."

"I thought things were going really well with you and Brian." Beckett interrupted.

"So did I." A single tear slipped from Alexis' eye. "Anyway, I got upset and went to my room. I texted all three of them from my room and told them I needed to lay down because I was having an allergic reaction to something I ate." She groaned and flopped her head into her hands. "What a loser thing to say." An almost chuckle escaped her lips. "I don't even have any allergies. And they all know that."

"You did what you had to do, Alexis. It's okay."

"A while later Mom came in to find out where I was and where my friends had gone. I told her what had happened and asked her what I should do." She shook her head as she tucked her feet up under her. "She actually looked me in the eye and said that if I wanted a man, I had to give him what he wanted. Then she laughed, told me to come join the party, and left."

Beckett was furious. No other word could describe it. Her skin felt like it was crawling and the vein in her forehead was throbbing. She foud herself hoping she never met Meredith. For Meredith's sake.

"That's not true, Alexis."

"I know."

Suddenly she laid down across the couch so that her head was in Beckett's lap. For the second time that night Beckett was at a loss for how to react. But then something kicked in, maybe a maternal instinct, maybe just a subconscious recognition of the need for comfort after being hurt, and she relaxed into the cushions behind her. She lifted an arm and draped it over Alexis' side, a silent reminder that she was there for her. With her other hand she began to stoke Alexis' hair gently, hoping to soothe.

"I feel silly now." Alexis blurted out.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sixteen years old. I shouldn't be getting all upset over a guy I'm barely even dating and running away like a little girl and calling you and making you worried."

"No, Alexis. It's not silly." Beckett smiled in spite of herself. "In fact, at sixteen, it's a pretty typical response."

"I bet you never did anything like it."

"Trust me. I did plenty of things as a teenager that I look back on and wonder what I was thinking. There is nothing wrong with what you did tonight. You were upset, you wanted someone to talk to, you went somewhere safe. You're far smarter than I was at your age."

Alexis chuckled and shifted slightly so she could glance up at Beckett.

"Tell me about one of your regrettable escapades."

"Why?" Beckett laughed. "Will it make you feel better?"

"Yep."

They both laughed this time, each grateful for the subtle shift in mood. Alexis squirmed around for a moment until she was more comfortable, but she made no attempt to sit up. Beckett absentmindedly contined to run her fingers through Alexis' hair as she thought of what story she could tell. A smile split her lips when the perfect one came to mind.

"There was this guy I dated in high school just to spite my parents. Worst decision of my life so far."

"Why?" Alexis laughed.

"He was a wannabe grunge rocker, and he insisted on being called Fang."

"Fang?"

"Yeah. I never actually knew why he choose that name."

"What was his real name?"

"Cornelius James Hafferty."

"No wonder he wanted a nickname."

They both laughed again, relaxing even more as they did so.

"Anyway." Beckett continued. "He was always late, he had no sense of humor, and he had horrible hygiene. He smelled like wet flannel and clove cigarettes."

"Gross!" Alexis snorted.

"I know. I seriously don't know what was wrong with me." Beckett sighed. "I got mad at my parents when they told me I was wasting my time with him. So I tried to prove them wrong."

"What is it about boys that can make us all screwed up in the head?"

"Alexis, if you figure that out, you'll be the hero of every female out there. But trust me when I tell you that they are just as befuddled by us as we are by them."

"Have you ever been in love, Kate? Like, real, true love? Not puppy love or a crush."

The question floored Beckett. She hadn't told Alexis anything about Will because she'd never had a reason to. But what good was it keeping his memory locked up like a secret? She'd gone to therapy off and on since her mother had been murdered, and had started anew after losing Will. One thing all the doctors had told her was that the best way to honor her mother and Will was to live her life to the fullest and not let her losses slow her down. It wasn't until this moment that she truly understood how to do that. Something finally clicked as she stared down at Alexis. She couldn't give her all to the people in her life now if she was still trying to give any of herself to those who were gone. And the emotionally hurt teenager on her couch was one of the people she wanted to give her all to. Starting right now.

"Yes." She answered. "I have been in love."

Alexis sat up but stayed right next to Beckett, her blue eyes bright with curiosity.

"What is his name?"

"His name was Will."

"Was?"

"Yeah."

"What happened?" Alexis asked almost reverently.

"You know I was with the FBI before I moved here, right?"

"Yes. You investigated homicides."

"Right." Beckett nodded. "Will was my partner. After a couple of years of working together, we started dating. A year later, he asked me to marry him."

"You were engaged?"

"Not then. I said no."

"Why?" Alexis' brow furrowed.

"I thought I couldn't be me if I was attached to someone else like that." Beckett sighed. "At that time I was far too wrapped up in my work to want to be a wife. But Will was a patient and persistent man." She smiled. "And he kept asking. Every couple of months he would try again."

"Did you ever say yes?"

"I did. About eight months after he first asked me."

"What changed your mind?"

"I almost lost him. We were on a stakeout and the suspect saw us. He made a run for it and we started chasing him. The guy pulled a gun and he shot Will." Beckett paused, wondering if this was too much to tell Alexis. It only took her a couple of seconds to decide to keep going. "I caught the guy, but I didn't realize at first that Will had been shot. He needed surgery but he survived. It was while I was sitting in that waiting room, not knowing if I'd ever see him again, that I knew I was in love with him. That I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him."

"How did you know?"

"I couldn't imagine my life without him in it."

"So where is he now?"

"He was killed in another shoot out seven months later."

"Oh, Kate."

Alexis curled into Beckett's side, laid her head on her shoulder, and slipped her arms around her waist. Beckett didn't hesitate this time. She put her right arm around Alexis' shoulders and hugged her as tightly as she could at the awkward angle. They sat in silence for several minutes before Alexis spoke again.

"When did he die?"

"Just over a year ago."

"Is that why you were so quiet last Tuesday?"

Beckett closed her eyes and sighed.

"I didn't mean for you to notice. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Kate. I hate that all that happened to you."

Beckett opened her eyes with a start. She grabbed Alexis and gently pushed her off of her so she could look her in the eyes.

"Alexis, I hate that it happened too. I really do. But tonight I've realized that something good came from it."

"What?"

"I met you."

Alexis' eyes filled with anguish and the corners of her mouth dipped into an almost angry frown.

"Kate, meeting me isn't worth losing someone you love."

"No, I didn't mean it like that." Beckett sighed and took one of Alexis' hands in between hers. "This may sound ridiculous, but you know how when kids get a scratch or a scrape they usually want a bandaid and then they feel better?"

"Yes." Alexis nodded.

"Well, you're my bandaid. The wound is still there, but you give me something to focus on other than the pain." Beckett smiled. "Which in turn allows me to heal."

Alexis' frown turned into a beaming grin and she pulled her hand from Beckett's and threw her arms around her neck. Beckett shifted so she could hug her back with both arms instead of just the one again.

"I wish you didn't need a bandaid." Alexis whispered. "But since you do, I'm glad I can be yours. And thank you for being my bandaid tonight too."

"Anytime." Beckett leaned back and smiled. "Speaking of you, this conversation has been about me for far too long. Let's get back to you."

"I've said all I need to say. I was just upset, and I still think I overreacted a little, but I feel much better now."

"Be that as it may, we can't offically be done with being lamenting over boys until we do one more thing."

"What's that?" Alexis asked.

Beckett stood up and smiled.

"We must eat ice cream."

Alexis laughed and stood alongside Beckett.

"Then let us commence the eating of said mandatory frozen dairy products."

As they walked to the kitchen Beckett glanced over her shoulder at Alexis.

"Hey, I didn't even think to ask. How did you get over here anyway?"

"I called the car service." Alexis replied matter-of-factly.

"You Castle's and your car service." Beckett chuckled as she reached for the handle on the freezer door.

* * *

"You sure you'll sleep okay on this?" Beckett asked Alexis. "It doesn't look like it's all that comfortable.

"It'll be just fine." Alexis smiled. "I practically grew up sleeping on all sorts of things. When Dad was first starting out, his work schedule was so random that I spent many nights on green room couches or a couple of arm chairs pushed together. I can definitely handle a fold out couch."

"I don't mind if you take my bed."

"Kate, really. This is more than fine. Thank you."

Beckett nodded and tossed an end of the fitted sheet she was holding to Alexis, and together they started making up the bed. While they were working out the top sheet Alexis gasped excitedly.

"What is it?" Beckett looked up from where she was tucking the end of the sheet under the edge of the thin mattress.

"When I texted you, you said you were with Dad."

"Yeah, I was."

"So I just realized that I totally forgot to ask how the date was going before I interrupted it."

Beckett grabbed a pillowcase and started stuffing a pillow into it.

"You didn't interrupt anything, Alexis, because it wasn't a date. We were just spending the afternoon together since neither of us had anything to do."

"Uh, Kate, that's kind of a date."

"We're just friends."

"Friends don't swoon over each other."

"There has been no swooning." Beckett said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, just like you're not blushing right now." Alexis' lips split into a knowingly wicked grin.

Beckett bit her bottom lip, but it didn't stop the smile from gliding across her face.

"Well, in my defense, it's hard not to swoon at least a little over your father."

She threw the now covered pillow at Alexis, who caught it and giggled as she laid it at the top of the bed.

"Have you told him that you think he's swoon worthy?"

"Heck no." Beckett crossed her arms. "His head would grow so big he'd have to live outdoors."

"You know, I feel like we've had almost this exact same conversation before." Alexis' eyes were sparkling as if the mischievousness in her voice was pooling there.

"Because we pretty much have." Beckett started unfolding a blanket to go over the sheet. "And as I know I've mentioned, you're the only Castle for me."

"Two Castle's are better than one." Alexis replied with a shrug.

With Alexis' help, Beckett got the blanket situated on the bed, then she stepped back and crossed her arms again and sighed. She honestly didn't know how to respond to that. She couldn't tell Alexis that she wasn't allowed to date him or she'd be fired. That would sound petty, and it wasn't the real reason anyway. But she also didn't want to tell her that she was still afraid to open her heart up again like that. The last eleven hours she'd spent with Castle and Alexis had been unexpectedly healing and eye-opening. Even so, one day could not undo a decade of sorrow.

"Is it because of Will?" Alexis asked.

"Is what because of Will?" Beckett cocked in head to one side.

"Is he the reason you won't date my dad? I mean, I can't imagine how hard it must be to live with that kind of loss, and what it must take to be ready to move on."

Beckett moved to the end of the bed and sat down, patting the spot next to her as she did so. Alexis sat down next to her, the widening of her eyes giving away how much she wanted an answer.

"Alexis, why are you so eager for me to be something more than just friends with your dad?"

"You make him happy." Alexis looked down for a moment, then met Beckett's eyes with her own. "As far back as I can remember, he has always been a pretty happy guy, but since he met you, he's been a different kind of happy. A better kind of happy."

"Well, you both make me happy. And right now, just being happy is enough for me. But that doesn't mean that I don't wa-"

A sudden, frenzied knocking on the front door interrupted her. She stood up and Alexis followed suit.

"Are you expecting someone?"

"No." Beckett started towards the door. "You wait there."

The knocking grew louder and faster as she approached the door. She looked through the peephole and saw a distressed Castle staring back at her. Biting her lip nervously, she unlocked the deadbolt, then the knob. She opened the door and could practically feel the anxiety pouring from Castle.

"Kate.' He huffed out loudly as he barged into the little entryway. "I'm sorry, I know you're in the middle of something, but I need your help."

"Okay, what's wrong?"

"Alexis isn't answering her phone and I called Meredith and she doesn't know where she is and I tried calling you but you didn't answer either so I came over. I've also been trying to call all her friends but I don't have a lot of their numbers."

"Rick, I k-"

"Did she give you any of her friends numbers? Should we go ahead and call the cops?"

"No, Rick, I -"

"Do you have any FBI contacts out here? Maybe they could help find her. I know it's only been a few hours since I talked to her, but she never is out of contact with me. She always answers her phone, unless she's at school, but I never call her then. I don't know where to go look for her. Do you know any of her favorite pla-"

"Castle!" Beckett barked.

"What?"

"Calm down. Alexis is fine. She's in my living room."

"What?"

"She's right in there." Beckett pointed over her shoulder. "Go see for yourself."

Castle nearly knocked her sideways as he blew past her.

"Alexis!" He cried out when he saw his daughter.

He was almost running by the time he reached her. He grabbed her in a bear hug, lifting her a few inches off the ground with the force of his relief.

"Dad, you're going to make my eyeballs pop out." Alexis grunted from within his embrace.

Castle set her down and held her out at arms length, his worried eyes scanning her from head to toe.

"Where have you been?" He demanded.

"Right here." Alexis answered. "I came here from Mom's."

"Why didn't you call me if you wanted to leave? Or at least tell me you were?"

"Because you would've just gotten mad at Mom and started arguing with her." Her eyes darted towards Beckett, who was now standing a few feet away, then back to Castle. "I took the car service, Dad. I was safe. I just needed to get out of there."

"Why? What happened? Did someone do something to you? Did Meredith say something to you? Wh-"

"Rick." Beckett spoke in a gently stern tone, bringing his attention to her. "Sometimes women just need to vent to other women. It doesn't necessarily mean that anything happened."

"You lied to me, Kate." His said harshly. "You should have just told me that Alexis was the reason you had to leave."

"You wouldn't have let me come here alone if you'd known." She argued.

"Doesn't matter." He dropped his hands from Alexis's shoulders and turned to face Beckett. "She is my daughter. You don't get to decide what I know and what I don't know about her."

"Dad, don't be mad at Kate." Alexis pleaded from behind him. "She didn't do anything wrong."

"Yes, she did." He replied without moving.

"Rick." Beckett sighed. "I am truly sorry about not answering our phones. They must have been too far away for us to hear them. I didn't mean to make you worry. But I didn't tell you Alexis called me because I didn't want to break her trust."

"But breaking mine is okay?" He retorted.

"I didn't realize I would be breaking your trust." She crossed her arms.

"Would you have lied to me if you had known?"

"Yes." She didn't hesitate. "It is my job to protect Alexis. And she has to trust me for me to do that. I don't have to protect you."

"There's two problems with that." Castle held up his pointer finger. "One, it is my job to protect her. You are simply a way I choose to do so." He put his middle finger up next to the first. "Secondly, what kind of father would I be if I let people I didn't trust look out for my daughter? "

"I understand that you're upset, but I was just doing what I thought was best for Alexis."

"Again, I am her father. I decide what's best for her."

"Dad!" Alexis' tone was angry with a hint of sadness. "I'm right here, so stop talking about me like I'm not." She glanced at Beckett. "Both of you. Look at me, Dad." She waited for him to do so before continuing. "I'm old enough to make my own decisions. I didn't want to be where I was, so I went somewhere I wanted to be. You are totally overreacting."

"Alexis, this isn't about how old you are, or how mature you may or may not be." Castle stepped towards her. "Perhaps when you're a parent someday, you'll understand." He reached for her hand. "Come on, we're leaving."

"I don't want to leave." She told him.

"I didn't ask you if you wanted to. Get your stuff."

Beckett recognized the expression on Alexis' face as the one she used to wear when arguing with her parents. She spoke before Alexis could say anything else.

"Alexis. I think you should go on home with your dad."

"If I need your help parenting, I'll let you know." Castle said gruffly.

Beckett bit her tongue. Literally. She was spitting mad, but she knew now was not the time to finish this.

"Come on, Alexis." Castle repeated. "It's time to go."

The obviously distraught teenager looked back and forth between Castle and Beckett several times.

"Yes sir." She finally replied a few moments later. "Goodnight, Kate. I'm sorry about all this."

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Beckett said quickly, but a glare from Castle kept her from saying anything else.

Without another word, Castle led Alexis to the door, stopping only for her to pick up her purse and slip on her shoes, then left the apartment. The silence that remained was deafening. Beckett went to the sofa-bed and sat down, her hands coming up to support her hanging head. A sigh slipped through her lips as her mind tried to sort out what had just happened.


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

They hadn't said a single word for the entire ride home, but the lock on the front door had barely clicked into place before Alexis let her thoughts be known.

"What was all that, Dad?" She demanded. "I've never seen you act like such an unreasonable, bullheaded, patronizing jerk."

"Alexis, being angry does not give you the right to talk to me like that." Castle reprimanded sternly.

"Oh. Okay." She crossed her arms. "I see how it is. Only you can fly off the handle and say whatever you want just because you're mad."

"Keep that up and you'll be grounded, young lady. Just because I haven't had to punish you in a long time does not mean I still won't."

"I'm fine with being grounded." Alexis glared at him, challenging him with her eyes. "I don't mind admitting when I did something wrong."

Castle opened his mouth to reply, but closed it again without speaking. He sighed loudly, and his whole body seemed to sag slightly. He rubbed a hand over his face and looked back at his still fuming daughter.

"I don't want to fight with you, Alexis."

"Too bad." She dropped her arms back down to her sides. "You started this when you blew up at Kate for no reason."

"She lied to me about you. That's a perfectly legitimate reason." His tone was gentler than before, but Alexis could tell he was struggling to stay calm.

"She just did what I asked her to."

"That's not really the greatest argument for her defense." He turned away and walked towards the kitchen.

"Dad." Alexis sighed and followed him. "I am sorry that I left Mom's without telling you, and if you want to be mad at me for that, that's fine. But you shouldn't have taken it out on Kate."

Castle grabbed two water bottles from the refrigerator and held one up in Alexis' direction. She shook her head so he put it back in and shut the door. He cracked open the other bottle and took a long, slow sip. It was so cold that his eyes began to water, but he drank nearly half of it before he stopped for a breath. Alexis was sitting on a bar stool, staring at him, waiting for him to give an answer.

"I'm not mad at you, Alexis." He said dejectedly.

"Well, if you should be mad at anyone, it is me." She rebutted. "I'm the only one who didn't do what they should have done."

"Alexis, Kate didn't do what she should have done. She lied to me. About you."

"Yeah. You've mentioned that. So, what, Dad? Are you going to try and tell me that you've never lied to anyone to help someone else out?"

"That's not the point."

"It's exactly the point, Dad." She took a deep breath and locked her gaze onto his. The distress she saw in his stormy blue eyes shocked her and a sudden revelation came over her. "You're not really mad at Kate, are you?"

He stared at her for nearly twenty seconds before he finally spoke.

"I've never been more scared in my life than I was tonight."

"Scared?"

"When I didn't know where you were." He sighed. "And the fact that Meredith didn't seem to be even the slightest bit worried made me angry. I guess she was right not to be concerned, but I assumed because I was, she should be too." He reached across the counter and placed a hand on hers, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on the smooth skin.

"Dad, I'm a smart kid." Alexis turned her hand over and squeezed his. "You raised me well. You should've trusted me."

"I do trust you, sweetheart." He squeezed back. "It's the rest of the world I'm worried about."

"You can't protect me from every single bad thing out there, Dad."

"Maybe not, but I'll die trying."

"I'd prefer you hold off on the dying."

"No worries. You won't be getting rid of me any time soon."

"Good."

Alexis let go of his hand and slid off the barstool. She came around the side of the counter and by the time she reached Castle, his arms were spread open wide. He wrapped them around her and she pressed herself tightly to him, her arms reaching around to his back. He buried his face in her hair and sighed deeply. After a few moments he turned his head and rested his cheek on her head so he could speak.

"I love you, Alexis. More than anything on this whole wide world. I'm sorry about tonight. When I found you I was so relieved, but I still had all this fear and anxiety and adrenaline pent up inside of me. I let my emotions get the better of me and I know I said some things I shouldn't have."

"I love you too, Daddy." She pulled back just enough to look up at him. "And don't worry. You'll make things right with Kate."

Castle leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead.

"Right now all I want is for things to be right with you and me." He said softly.

"I'm good." Alexis smiled. "Are you good?"

"I've got you." He replied. "I'm great."

She smiled wider and rose to her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. When she pulled back, she chose to ignore the tears brimming at the edges of his eyes.

"I suppose you'd like to know why I left Mom's?" She asked him.

"Only if you want to tell me."

"I do. But let's go to the hammock room. It's been an emotional evening and I could go for some relaxing."

Castle laughed and dropped his arms to his side, and Alexis did the same.

"The hammock room it is then, my dear daughter. Lead the way."

She reached out for his hand and started down one of their many hallways. Castle knew he would have to deal with the way he'd treated Beckett, sooner rather than later. But not tonight. Tonight was about Alexis. So he followed her to the hammock room.

* * *

Beckett's mind was wandering as she watched the slow dripping of coffee from the brewing basket to the pot. She'd slept fitfully, feeling unsure of what the morning would bring. Would she still be able to look out for Alexis? Or would Castle refuse to ever even let her see Alexis again? What would Gates say if Castle asked her to remove Beckett from his employ? On top of it all, she still didn't really understand why Castle had gotten so angry. Yes, she'd lied, but it was what she had thought was best for Alexis at the time. And wasn't that what she was supposed to do? She just didn't know what to do now. She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, trying to will the coffee to brew faster so she could feel that soothing warmth that would come with that first delicious sip.

A sudden, gentle knocking broke the almost silence of the apartment. The sound was so soft that Beckett wasn't sure where it was coming from. She left the kitchen and went into the living room, turning her head in different directions to try to locate the source of the noise. It wasn't coming from the floor above or underneath her. She went into her bedroom and couldn't hear the knocking any longer. When she went back out to the living room, she headed towards the front door. As she approached she heard the quiet rapping stop, but it had definitely been coming from the door.

She looked through the peephole, but didn't see anyone. She was about to head back to the kitchen when the ding of the elevator rang out from the hall. Beckett tugged on the straps of her robe to tighten the soft fabric around her, then unlocked her door and cautiously opened it. Stepping through the elevator's still opening doors was a familiar form.

"Rick?" Beckett called out.

He stopped and turned around with a sheepish look on his face.

"Did I wake you up?" He asked soberly.

"No."

Castle stepped backwards out of the elevator and turned to fully face Beckett.

"I didn't want to knock too loud, in case you were still asleep." He swallowed hard. "I know it's early, and I probably should've called first because I always just seem to show up here unannounced and I-"

"Rick." Beckett interrupted, her tone leaning towards annoyed. "Why are you here?"

"I came to apologize." He swallowed again and licked his lips, making Beckett realize that he was nervous. "I'm sorry about last night. I was worked up and I...I went overboard. The things I said, well, I didn't mean them."

"Rick, it-"

"Let me finish, please." Castle took a few steps towards her, stopping when he was a couple of feet away. "Kate, I panicked. Perhaps foolishly, but I did nonetheless. And when I found Alexis, I was so worked up and I let everything out and you got caught in the crosshairs." He took another step towards Beckett. "I was wrong to say what I said. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to Alexis. I'm just not used to her having someone else she can go to, someone else she wants to go to." He sighed. "So, I'm sorry."

Beckett studied him for several long seconds before she responded.

"I'll accept your apology on one condition."

"Anything." Castle said without hesitation.

"You have to accept my apology."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Kate."

"Yes I do, Rick. I shouldn't have lied to you about Alexis. There are plenty of ways I could have let you know what was going on without betraying her trust. I just didn't stop and think about what the consequences of my actions would be." She cleared her throat. "So, I'm sorry too. And while I may not be her parent, or anyone's parent for that matter, I can promise you this. As long as she is in my care, I will do everything in my power to keep her safe." She smiled, an almost shy upturn of her lips. "I hope you can still trust me enough to believe that."

"I do." He said softly. "And I accept your apology on the terms that you will accept mine."

"Deal." Beckett stuck her right hand out.

Castle started to reach for her hand, but he paused to shift a small, canvas bag from his right hand to his left. Beckett's brow furrowed in curious confusion. Somehow she had failed to notice the bag during their entire conversation. As Castle shook her hand, he seemed to observe her observing the bag.

"Have you eaten breakfast yet?" He asked.

"I haven't even had my coffee yet." Beckett laughed.

"Well, if you're hungry, I brought stuff to make pancakes." He held up the bag slightly.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." He nodded as he lowered the bag again. "To say thank you for last night."

"Thank you?"

"Yeah. For being there for Alexis."

"You don't have to thank me for that, Rick."

"I want to though." He smiled.

Beckett pressed her lips together and huffed out a breath, but the hopeful blue eyes staring back at her were not something she could say no to.

"I don't have any syrup."

"Do I look like an imbecile?" He grinned but then scrunched up his face. "Don't answer that. But not to worry. I brought syrup. In fact, I brought the finest maple syrup one can import from Canada."

"You don't say?"

"I do say."

"Okay, then Rick. Come on in and make us some pancakes."

"You going to lead me there?"

He shot his eyes down to their still joined hands and Beckett blushed.

"No." She let go of his hand. "I'm sure you can find it yourself."

They wordlessly stepped inside and Beckett shut the door. She smiled behind Castle's back as he headed into the kitchen. He sat the bag on the counter and started opening cabinets.

"Where are your mixing bowls?" He called out distractedly.

"Just to your left." She replied as she entered the kitchen. "Want some coffee?"

"Please and thank you."

Beckett filled two mugs and doctored up each to their liking as Castle began cracking eggs into a bowl. The man had even brought his own eggs. She set his cup down next to his makeshift work station and leaned against the opposite counter. As she watched him and sipped her coffee, one thought kept running through her mind. She could get used to this.

* * *

**A/N - So, this story is coming to an end soon. Therefore, instead of my usual every Friday posting, I'll be putting the last few chapters up as I finish them. They'll be shorter so I can do this, but it's what feels right for the story, as cheesy as that may sound. Thank you so much for reading, and for the alerts and reviews. I love writing more than I can say, but y'all make it even better. Until next time, Paige**


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

"Come in."

Beckett opened the door and entered Gates' office. She didn't wait for Gates to say anything else before she shut the door behind her and sat down in the chair she'd occupied on every other visit.

"Thank you for seeing me, Chief."

"Of course, Beckett. I'm always here for my employees." Gates shut a file she'd been reading and sat back in her chair. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

Beckett took a deep breath to steel her nerves. She could do this. What's the worst that could happen? Okay, she could be out of a job. She could always get another. She let out the breath slowly and sat up straighter.

"I know you have rules, Chief, but I'd like to respectfully ask you to reconsider your policy on relationships between the PSOs and clients."

"Excuse me?" Gates huffed out.

"I just, well, I just don't see a reason for such a rule."

"Allow me to explain two things to you, Beckett. First of all, I am Aegis. I created it and it is my house. I will let not let allow anyone to jeopardize it. That leads directly into thing number two. I don't need a reason for a rule. If I say it, it happens. But since you feel it is so unfair, I can offer you a reason for the rule." Gates leaned forward, placing her hands together on the desk. "Let's use you as an example. Richard Castle pays me to have you look after his daughter. When she's in school you often spend a large part of the day with him, correct?"

"Well, yes, along with Ryan and Esposito."

"So, if he pays me to have you around, then I pay you for that work, and then you sleep with him, what situation do we all find ourselves in?" She paused, but Beckett didn't attempt to reply. "To put it bluntly, I would be your pimp, and he would be your John."

"Chief, I think that's quite a jump." Beckett sat forward as she felt a surge of anger and adrenaline course through her veins. "That's a rather extreme analogy."

"That's your opinion." Gates shrugged. "But I have to think of how things would look to an outside observer."

Beckett fell silent and slumped back in her chair. She hadn't expected Gates to give in without a lot of convincing, but this was far from how she'd thought the meeting would go. She looked back up at Gates, and the anger welling inside her suddenly faded into uncaring indifference. There was only one way out of this. She smiled, stood up, and reached into both front pockets of her jeans. Stepping up to Gates' desk, she pulled her hands out and laid her badge down. She removed the company car key from her keyring and laid it next to the badge.

"Mrs. Gates, I hereby render my resignation, effective immediately. "

"There's no need for dramatics, Beckett."

"I'm not being dramatic. I'm leaving to pursue other interests."

"If that's your choice, so be it." Gates stood up and crossed her arms. "But let me remind you of one thing before you go. When you started here, you signed a non-compete agreement."

"I remember." Becket replied simply.

"That contract keeps you from working as a private security officer in Los Angeles for five full years."

"Don't worry. I read it before I signed it."

"It's nothing personal, Beckett. I have to protect my clients from being shopped by another security firm."

"I understand." Beckett smiled and reached out her right hand and Gates shook it briefly. "I hope you don't take my resigning personally either."

"You're a good employee." Gates said as she crossed her arms again. "But I don't take much personally. Stop by Nancy's desk on your way out. She'll have some things for you to sign."

"Okay. Thank you."

With that, Beckett turned and left the office. She made it halfway down the hall before it fully hit her that she'd just quit her job on a whim for a relationship that didn't exist. To make matters worse, Castle and Alexis were on vacation in the Hamptons. They'd left the same day Alexis had gotten out of school for Christmas break and weren't coming back until after the first of the year. She'd have to wait until they got back to do anything. She shook her head and started walking again. This was the right thing to do. Probably.

* * *

"Dad. There is no way pyx is a word." Alexis raised her eyebrows. "I'm not even quite sure how to say it."

"My dear daughter. I do not use false words. A pyx is a box or vessel in which coins or consecrated Eucharist are kept."

"And how do you know that?"

"I'm smarter than I look." He grinned.

"Thank goodness." She replied with an equally mischievous grin.

Castle's jaw dropped open as he placed one hand on his chest and the other palm side up on his forehead.

"You've wounded me, my only offspring." He sighed. "You must pay a penance."

"What is my punishment, my overly dramatic father?"

He put his hands down and looked at her, his eyes squinted, his mouth firm.

"You must help me make hot chocolate and popcorn."

"You sure know how to keep a kid in line." Alexis said as she stood up.

"That's me." Castle replied as he arose beside her. "Laying down the law, one sweetened beverage at a time."

They both laughed and started for the kitchen. Alexis paused and turned back to the living room.

"Do you want some hot chocolate too, Grams?"

Martha looked up from the book she was reading and smiled at her granddaughter.

"That'd be lovely, dear, thank you."

Alexis nodded and trotted to the kitchen to help Castle. The kettle full of water was soon heating up on the stove, and their old air popper was set up on the counter. Alexis grabbed the kernals from a cabinet while Castle got some bowls and cups down. Their late night snack preparations were interrupted by the loud tones of the doorbell. All three members of the family looked at the front door in confusion, then back and forth at each other.

"I'll get it, Kiddo." Martha announced as she set her book down and stood up. "You and Alexis keep on doing what you're doing."

"Thank you, Mother." He said distractedly, his mind already focused back on pouring kernels into the popper.

Martha reached the door and opened it grandly without hesitation.

"May I help you?" She asked the visitor.

"Um, I'm looking for Richard Castle's house." The stranger on the front steps answered. "Am I at the wrong place?"

"Depends on who's asking."

"Oh, I'm sorry. My name is Kate. Kate Beckett."

Martha smiled widely and stepped aside.

"In that case, Kate Kate Beckett, you are most definitely in the right place. Please do come in."

Beckett couldn't help but smile at the joke about her name as she remembered how Castle had said the same thing when they'd first met.

"Thank you." She said to Martha as she crossed the threshold.

Martha shut the door and turned to Beckett.

"It's so nice to meet you, Katherine. May I call you Katherine?" She waited for Beckett to nod her reply and continued. "Richard has told me so much about you. He failed, however, to tell me you were coming tonight."

"He didn't know." Beckett blushed at her admission.

"I see." Martha winked, knocking Beckett's blush up to a whole new shade of red.

"Who is it, Mother?" Castle called from the kitchen.

Martha gestured for Beckett to set down the overnight bag she was carrying and after she did so, gently grabbed her by the elbow and led her into the kitchen. Castle looked up as they entered and his eyes filled with shock, then changed to a happy sparkle.

"Kate?" He asked as if in disbelief.

Thst made Alexis step out of the pantry, where she'd been looking for marshmallows.

"Kate!" She exclaimed joyously.

"Happy New Year's eve." Beckett said, following the words with a bite to her lower lip. Then she shrugged. "Surprise?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

"Surprise indeed." Castle wiped his hands off with a towel. "What are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighborhood." Beckett shrugged. "Sort of."

"How do you sort of end up in the Hamptons when you live in California?" Castle smirked.

"I was at my dad's cabin for Christmas." Beckett paused and looked at each of them. "He actually was the one that convinced me to come up to see you. I tried calling but I couldn't get anyone."

"We have our phones off." Alexis explained.

"Oh." Beckett but her lip again. "I'm sorry I just showed up. If you guys don't want me to stay, I can -"

"Nonsense." Castle interrupted. "I've shown up unannounced at your apartment on numerous occasions."

"Yeah, but you're with your family and it's a holiday."

"I barged in on your Thanksgiving."

"I wasn't with my family." Beckett argued.

"I think what Richard is getting at is that we're glad you're here." Martha interjected.

"Thank you, Mother." Castle smiled. "By the way Kate, as I'm sure you surmised, this is my mom."

"Oh yes, forgive me, dear." Martha laughed. "I didn't even bother to introduce myself before sweeping you inside. I'm Martha."

"It's great to meet you." Beckett smiled. "Officially."

"Good." Alexis spoke up. "Now that the introductions are out of the way, let's get back to fixing our snack. Kate, we're making some hot chocolate. Do you want some?"

"Only if I can help." Beckett answered.

"Then take off your coat and roll up your sleeves." Castle pointed to a cabinet across the room. "Grab another bowl from there and throw another batch of kernels in the popper."

Beckett smiled and shrugged her coat off. She hung it on the back of a chair and made her way to the cabinet. Martha went back to the living room with a grin on her face. Alexis got another cup down and turned to Beckett.

"Kate, do you want marshmallows?"

"Of course." Beckett chuckled.

As Alexis want back to filling the mugs with powdered cocoa, Beckett finished measuring out the kernels. She still couldn't believe she was here. The first few minutes had been kind of awkward, but that was mostly just because she felt awkward. Now it was surreal. She was in Castle's vacation home, making hot chocolate and popcorn with his family, on New Year's Eve. Suddenly, Castle bumped her hip with his. She looked at him, and her breath caught in her throat at the way his eyes were shining.

"I'm really glad you're here." He said gently.

"Me too." She whispered back.

And she was.

* * *

Two hours later, they had cleaned up the board games and the dishes, and were now settling in to watch the ball drop on tv. Martha was still in her arm chair, while Beckett and Alexis were sitting on the ends of the couch. Castle picked up the remote and plopped down between them. He pressed the power button and the sounds of music and crowds poured into the room from the surround sound speakers.

"I can't believe we almost forgot to turn this on." Alexis said as she curled into Castle's side and he put an arm around her shoulders. "We've never not watched the ball drop."

"That last game of scrabble got pretty intense." Castle laughed. "If we hadn't run out of tiles I think we'd have played straight on into the new year."

Beckett smiled as she tucked her feet up under her legs and looked at the tv. Dick Clark finished speaking and sent it down to Ryan Seacrest, who was saying something about some singer she'd never heard of. There were only a handful of minutes left until midnight, but she was still used to California time, so she didn't feel tired yet. She assumed it was the same for Castle and Alexis. As she glanced at them, a quiet, contented sigh slipped from deep within her. She no longer doubted her decision to quit her job.

The next few minutes passed in silence, the foursome focused on the events unfolding just a couple of hours away. Then the camera moved to the brightly lit ball and a moment later it started moving. All four of them counted down along with the people on tv, and when it touched down and the 2011 flashed on, they cheered. Martha started singing Auld Lang Syne and Castle kissed Alexis on top of her head. She sat up and kissed him on the cheek, then joined in the singing.

Castle looked over at Beckett, who still watching the camera pan around the crowd of happy people. Unable to resist, he leaned towards her to kiss her cheek. At the last possible moment she seemed to notice his movement and turned to look at him. Their lips met, albeit slightly off kilter due to the angle they were sitting at.

A single second that felt like an hour passed before Castle pulled away. He locked his eyes on Beckett's. What he saw in the deep emerald green staring back at him wasn't the anger or trepidation he'd expected to see. Instead he saw longing and excitement. To his surprise, Beckett smiled and started leaning back to him. He closed his eyes and involuntarily held his breath.

"Ahem." Martha said, stopping both Castle and Beckett from reconnecting. "Where's my New Year's kiss?"

Castle opened his eyes, but didn't move. An almost laughing Beckett was all he could see, and the sight warmed him completely. He sighed lightly, stood up, and walked over to Martha. As he leaned in to kiss her cheek, she grabbed the lapel of his shirt and held him close.

"Don't mess this up." She said. "I like her a lot."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mother."

"I'm just trying to look out for you."

"Happy New Year, Mother."

"Back at ya, Kiddo."

Martha let go of his shirt and he turned back to Alexis and Beckett.

"You know what it's time for?" He asked gleefully.

"Fireworks!" Alexis jumped up off the couch.

"Fireworks." Castle nodded.

"Fireworks?" Beckett stood up alongside Alexis.

"Fireworks." Castle repeated with a laugh. "Come on."

Alexis and Martha headed upstairs.

"I'll get your coat, Dad." Alexis called out as she ascended the steps.

"Thank you." He replied. "Kate, you should put your coat on too. Otherwise you'll be freezing by the time it's over."

Beckett walked over to where she'd hung her jacket earlier.

"Who does fireworks up here?" She asked Castle as he walked up next to her.

"I do." He answered. "I shoot them off from the beach, and Alexis and Mother watch from the balcony, so you can join them there."

"Isn't it illegal to shoot fireworks in New York?"

"Not if you have a permit."

"How'd you get a permit?"

"I know people." He grinned slyly, but it faded quickly into a much more serious expression. "Kate, I'm sorry about what happened on the couch. I know I promised I wouldn't try to kiss you again. I just got caught up in the moment."

"Two things, Rick." She started buttoning up her coat. "One, that promise was made a long time ago, and some things have changed since then." Having finished fastening her coat, she stepped even closer to him until her mouth was inches from his ear. "And two." She whispered. "I didn't just come here tonight to beat you in scrabble."

Before he could reply, she was sashaying her way out to the balcony. He still had a stupidly huge smile on his face when Alexis wordlessly put his coat in his hands before going outside. He was still tugging it on when Beckett stuck her head back inside.

"You coming, Castle?"

She drew out his last name, eliciting a shudder throughout his entire body. He nodded and finshed putting on his coat and trotted towards the door that Beckett had already gone back out.

"Mother, the show starts in four minutes!" He yelled over his shoulder as he went through the door.

"I'll be there!" She answered from the top of the steps.

Castle smiled at Alexis and Beckett, who were settling down with some blankets on the lounge chairs, then headed down to his stash of pyrotechnics.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for****!**

* * *

"That was the best fireworks display you've done yet, Dad." Alexis grinned excitedly. "And this marks seven years running without a single eyebrow lost."

"Haha." Castle said sarcastically as he put his coat into Alexis' waiting hands.

"Wait, what?" Beckett smiled widely. "I think I need to hear about this."

"Let's keep the embarrassing moment stories to a minimum tonight." Castle replied before Alexis could open her mouth.

"I'll tell you later, then." Alexis looked at Beckett and lifted her eyebrows. "It's a great story."

"Sounds like it." Beckett laughed.

Castle helped Martha out of her jacket, and once he'd passed it off to her he moved to help Beckett as well. Her instinct was to resist, as she was perfectly cabable of taking off her own coat, but something in his eyes stopped her from saying anything. She'd already unbuttoned it, so Castle stepped behind her and gently gathered her hair so he could put it over her shoulder. Then he took a hold of the collar and began to slide the thick fabric down. Beckett pulled her arms out one at a time, then turned to face him. She swallowed hard at the intensity of his gaze, the blue in his eyes dark with emotion.

"Okay, Alexis." Martha started for the stairs. "It's time we head to bed."

"It's not even 12:45 yet." Alexis argued. "That's only 9:45 my time. I'm not the least bit tired."

"Alexis." Martha walked back to her and took her by the hand. "Let's go on upstairs."

"But Grams-"

Martha held a hand up and jerked her head in the direction of Castle and Beckett. Alexis looked over at the pair and smiled. They were too busy staring at each other to realize that they were being stared at.

"Now that you mention it, I think I feel a yawn coming on." She put her arms over her head to stretch.

"Atta girl." Martha winked. "Good night, Richard, Katherine."

They both managed to hear her through their tunnel vision and turned to look at her and Alexis.

"You're going to bed?" Castle asked. "But it's not even late."

"All that oohing and ahhing wore this old gal out." Martha replied.

"And I think I stayed up too late last night." Alexis added. "I'm beat."

Castle squinted at them like he was trying to ascertain their truthfulness. Alexis rolled her eyes and came over to give him a hug.

"Good night, Dad." She squeezed her arms around his torso. "Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, Pumpkin." He kissed the crown of her head. "I love you."

"I love you too." She pulled away and moved to hug Beckett. "Good night, Kate. Happy New Year."

By now Beckett had long gotten over her aversion to Alexis' hands on approach, and she hugged her back without hesistation.

"Good night, Alexis."

"You will you be here in the morning, right?"

"You bet." Beckett answered. "Maybe I can cook breakfast?" She looked at Castle over Alexis' head. "If you guys don't have any traditions or anything that would get in the way of."

"We don't." Alexis said as Castle confirmed her answer with a shake of his head. "But it's never too late to start a new one."

Beckett tightened her hold on Alexis and swallowed the fearful joy that she felt rising in her throat.

"Okay then." She said. "Breakfast it is. I love you, Alexis."

The words slipped out. That didn't mean they weren't true, but Beckett certainly wasn't the type to just blurt out her feelings. Alexis leaned back enough to look up at Beckett with so many questions filling her shining blue eyes. She asked just one of them.

"You do?" She whispered.

With those two little words, the trepidation that had swamped Beckett at her unintentional confession washed away. She tugged Alexis back to her and sighed happily.

"Yes, Alexis. I do."

"I love you too, Kate."

They embraced for a few more moments before Alexis loosened her hold and stepped back. She had a huge smile on her face as she glanced over at Castle, then back at Beckett.

"Good night." She winked, eliciting a blush that burned across Beckett's cheeks.

With that, she walked over to Martha, linked an arm through hers, and headed towards the stairs. The pair ascended wordlessly and Beckett was suddenly alone with Castle. She turned to face him, but he was already upon her. He placed his hands on her cheeks and leaned in. Her eyes drifted slowly to a close, but the only thing she felt on her lips were the puffs of air that accompanied his whispered words.

"Thank you."

Beckett opened her eyes and found her gaze lost in his.

"For what?" She asked.

"Making my daughter happy."

"I meant what I said."

"I know."

And then he closed the gap between them. Beckett sighed into his lips and reached up to wrap her arms around his neck. She sucked his bottom lip in between hers and bit down softly, drawing a pleasured groan from deep in his chest. He crossed through the barrier of her teeth with his tongue, stroking the inside of her mouth with a tantalizing delicateness. Rising to her tiptoes, she brought them even closer together, and then began dueling his still exploring tongue with her own.

Her hands moved to his hair, roving wildly through the now tussled locks. He released her face and found new territory to claim on her back. She could feel the delicious heat from his palms even through her shirt. The next thing she knew, her lips were left vacant as he moved down her neck, setting her skin wonderfully on fire. She managed to find an earlobe and sucked lightly, sending a shiver throughout his entire body. He reached her barely exposed collarbone and it took him less than three seconds to mark her skin. She felt him smile at his achievement and pulled him back up, kissing him again fiercely until they were both panting furiously.

Pulling away for air, Beckett moved her arms around his sides and put her forehead to the side of his neck. They stood there hugging, tucked into each other, gasping for air. Once they'd both come down enough from the high they'd reached to be able to speak clearly, Beckett leaned back and looked up at Castle.

"We need to talk." She told him quietly.

"I'd rather just keep doing what we were just doing." He chuckled and she echoed him with a soft laugh of her own.

"Rick, before this goes any further, I need to tell you some things." She moved one hand up to his cheek, stroking the slightly stubbled skin with her fingertips as she continued. "I want to tell you some things. About me. Things you need to know, that I want you to know."

He reached up and took her hand from his face, weaving his fingers into hers. Then he removed his other arm from where it was still wrapped around her, causing her to release him as well. He led her with their joined hands to the couch and sat down, pulling her gently down next to him.

"Is this okay?" He asked.

She nodded and leaned back into the cushion, smiling when he dropped her hand and put his arm behind her. She tucked her feet up under her legs and laid her head on his shoulder. He sat silently, waiting for her, letting her find her words at her own pace. After several minutes, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"It all started when I was nineteen. The day my father and I came home from dinner and found a detective on our doorstep."

* * *

It took Beckett nearly two hours to tell him everything. She told him about her mother, about how the murder had led her to work for the FBI. She told him about the never ending hunt for answers, how she'd get a lead but it would always go nowhere. She told him about Will, about their relationship and about the night he died. There was the story of how Montgomery had known all along, how he'd sacrificed his freedom to attempt to atone for his mistakes. She told him how she had to get out of New York when it was all over. She even told him she'd quit her job at Aegis, and told him why.

She told him every detail she could think of about everything that had happened since the night her mom died; about all that had shaped her into the person she was tonight, sitting in his arms on his couch in his vacation home. And Castle hadn't said a word. He'd just listened, just let her expose the things she didn't want to keep inside anymore. Seeming to sense that she was done, he cleared his throat and put a finger under her chin, using it to gently bring her eyes up to meet his.

"Kate, you said you wanted to tell me these things before this goes any further. Why?"

"I thought you should know what you'd really be getting into. I have an awful lot of heavy baggage."

He kissed her, light and gentle and quick.

"I'm a lot stronger than I look, Kate. I can help you carry it if you'll let me."

"That's a lot to ask of you, Rick. You have Alexis to think about. Plus, I'm out of a job. I don't know which of my own two feet I should even try to stand on."

"Katherine middle name Beckett, you don't have to face anything alone. You've got us, for as long as you want us." He smiled. "Don't worry about tomorrow or the next day or the one after that. We'll figure it out as we go. All you have to do is be willing to lean on me."

"When I'm not strong?" She grinned at her inability to stop herself from sharing her pun, which was obviously an influence from Castle.

"You're one of the strongest people I know, Kate." Even though his tone was serious, the corners of his mouth quirked upwards. "I just want you to know that you don't have to be all the time."

Beckett leaned forward and kissed Castle, pressing her lips hard to his, smiling as she did so.

"It's actually Katherine." She said without moving away.

He did pull back though, his face skewed with confusion.

"What?"

"Katherine is my middle name."

"Shut the front door."

"No need for dirty talk." She smiled again.

"What's your first name then?"

"Only a handful of people know that."

"Can I be included in that handful?" He smiled hopefully.

"Well, since you are a handful, I guess so." They both chuckled, and then she sighed. "It's Anna."

"Anna Katherine Beckett." He nodded thoughtfully. "I like it."

"My mom's family has a tradition of giving their firstborn a part of their name. So from Johanna, I got Anna."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. If I'd been a boy, I would've been named Joe or John." She laughed. "Or Dennis. Her middle name was Denise."

"Well, I think it's a wonderful tradition, but I'm glad you weren't a boy."

"That makes two of us."

Castle covered her smile with his lips, and her tongue instantly found it's way into his mouth. She shifted to find a better angle to deepen the kiss, but broke away a moment later with a huff.

"What's wrong?" He asked, concern dripping from his words.

"I'm tired of talking, tired of confessions. It's late, Rick. Take me to bed."

"If you insist."

"I insist."


	14. Chapter 14

**Title: To Love & Live In L.A.**

**Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

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"Hurry, Kate." Castle opened the heavy door with his free hand. "The previews have already started."

"You're the one who decided last minute that we had to go to this showing instead of just waiting a couple of hours." Beckett laughed.

"I want to see the 3-D IMAX version and this is the last one today." He sighed exaggeratedly. "And it was you that just had to get popcorn and drinks."

"A movie isn't a movie without popcorn and drinks." She told him.

"And all this time I thought it was the dedication and hard work of the writers, directors, cast and crew that made a movie." He replied.

Beckett smiled and rose to her toes to kiss him lightly.

"Shows how little you know." She lowered herself back down and smirked at him. "It's all about the snacks."

She laughed and went into the darkness of the theater, followed closely by Castle. They rounded the corner and started down the aisle that would lead them to the seats. As they walked, they could hear the somewhat whimsical music from the trailer for Frakenweenie. When they reached the front of the stadium seating, they both scanned the rows, squinting in the low light.

"I thought you said Men in Black three was popular?" Beckett whispered.

"Trust me, this movie is supposed to take your breath away." Castle whispered back.

"Then why is there hardly anyone here?"

"Maybe everyone else already saw it."

Beckett shook her head but chuckled softly, then started up the stairs. She made it about ten rows before Castle reached out and grabbed her elbow. A couple pieces of the popcorn she was holding fell to the ground, so she tried not to step on them as she turned around.

"What?" She asked, her voice a little louder than before so he would hear her over the Prometheus trailer, which was blaring alarms and intense music.

"Let's just sit here." He answered.

"But you always want to sit at the top so we can make out if we get bored." She lifted her eyebrows suggestively.

"We won't get bored with this movie." He told her. "And the 3-D will be better if we sit here, near the middle."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Now come on, we've nearly missed another preview."

"You and your previews." She laughed but started down the row he'd stopped on.

"I like to see what's coming up next." He said defensively.

"I know you do, Rick. Which I think is funny, seeing as how you kind of work in the industry."

"I'm a complicated man."

She laughed to herself as she sat down in what looked like the middle seat of the row. Castle sat down next to her and they both put their drinks in the cup-holders on their outside armrests. Beckett handed Castle the popcorn so she could lift the center armrest out of their way. On the screen, the new version of Spider-Man was swinging above the streets of New York City, but neither of them were paying attention as they finished settling in. Beckett tucked her feet up under her and leaned into Castle's side, then he put an arm around her shoulders. It was their favorite way to sit when they watched movies, whether out or at home.

"I wish Alexis could have come." Beckett sighed as she snuggled in closer. "We don't have much more time to spend together before she goes to college next month."

"I know." Castle kissed the top of Beckett's head. "But she's here in spirit."

"Rick." Beckett snickered. "You make it sound like she's gone forever, not over at a friends house talking about how they're going to decorate their apartment."

"What can I say? I have a flair for the dramatic."

"That you do, love." Beckett arched herself upwards enough to plant a quick but fiery kiss on his lips, then sat back down. "That you do."

Beckett pulled the two pairs of 3-D glasses they'd been given from her purse and slipped one gently onto his face, then put the other pair on herself. Then she grabbed a handful of popcorn and they fell silent as the Amazing Spider-Man preview ended. She ate it one piece at a time and watched the next preview start.

It was one she hadn't seen before, but then again, she hadn't seen the Prometheus trailer yet either. A narrator began speaking, his voice deep and loud.

"Coming soon, the stunning conclusion you've all been waiting for."

His voice faded out and several explosions went off. Then the narrator spoke again.

"One man will get the answer to the most important question he's ever asked."

A car chase sped across the screen, complete with gun toting, mask wearing villains shooting at the car behind them from the sunroof of their SUV.

"What movie is this?" Beckett asked quietly.

"I don't know." Castle replied. "Looks exiting though."

Suddenly the scene changed to the interior of a sound stage. A director with his back to the camera yelled cut. Then the booming voice of the narrator filled the room again.

"An actor who had all but given up on love, finds someone to protect his heart."

Fireworks went off on the screen, highlighting the silhouette of a man standing on a beach, staring at the ocean. Beckett chuckled.

"Is this an action movie, or a romantic one?" She wondered out loud.

"Maybe both." Castle replied.

The scene changed to clear blue sky. A skydiver came into view from the top and then quickly moved off the bottom. The narrator continued his tale.

"He's fallen hard, and she's the wind in his parachute."

"Oh come on." Beckett grabbed some more popcorn. "That's the cheesiest line I've ever heard."

Castle said nothing, but the narrator spoke again as the screen faded to black.

"She lights up his life."

A small point of light began to grow from the center of the screen.

"And he can't live without her." The narrator added.

The sound of a heartbeat pulsed from the speakers, then there was more from the narrator as the circle of light grew larger.

"So he's dying to know."

The light finally filled the rest of the screen and revealed a man kneeling on one knee. He looked up and Beckett dropped the last few pieces of popcorn from her hand and sat up straight.

"What's going on?" She hissed.

"Shh." Castle pointed at the screen. "You should watch this part."

Beckett looked back at the giant Castle on the screen. The virtual version of her boyfriend held up a small jewelry box and opened it. Then he smiled and spoke, his voice oddly soft even though it was coming through the speakers.

"Anna Katherine Beckett, I love you. I can't even begin to try to put into words how much I love you. You've made me a better man and I've never been happier. Please, allow me the honor of being your husband. Because I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the way you make me feel. Will you marry me, Kate?"

Beckett tore her eyes from the screen and looked at Castle, who she hadn't felt get up from his chair. He was now kneeling down next to her, holding the same ring box as he was on screen.

"What do you say, Kate?" He reached for her hand and squeezed lightly.

She looked back up at the screen, then back at him. Suddenly she laughed, just one loud chuckle, and started nodding.

"Yes, Rick. I'll marry you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She smiled.

Castle tugged the ring from the black velvet holder and pocked the box. Then he slipped it onto her left ring finger. It had a single, cushion cut diamond atop the gold band. It was elegant but not overly so, the stone big but not in a gaudy way. He stood up and took her glasses off. She'd actually forgotten she was wearing them, since Castle had already removed his. He set the glasses on the seat and pulled her to him for a kiss, his touch gentle and loving, yet intense and enticing all at the same time. A moment later she pulled away with a gasp.

"Rick, how did you do this?"

"I know people."

Beckett glanced around quickly and then brought her gaze back to him.

"These other people in here might be upset."

"They aren't."

"We're interrupting their movie. Let's go." She grabbed his hand, leaned in and whispered into his ear. "Besides, I have some behind the scenes things I'd like to show you."

"I'm going to need you to hold that thought, honey." Castle responded quietly.

Beckett raised an eyebrow questioningly as he stepped back and brought his fingers to his mouth. He whistled loudly and suddenly the screen went dark and the overhead lights came up. The small group of other movie goers began clapping and cheering. Beckett's mouth dropped open when she saw who was in the theater with them. Her dad was sitting a few rows up, and Martha was seated next to him with Alexis on her other side. Above them were Javier and Lanie, and even further up sat Kevin and Jenny.

"Rick." Beckett said with awe.

Castle leaned in for one more searing kiss that ended far too soon and then waved at the others to come down.

"We're all going back to the house to celebrate." He explained to Beckett.

"I love you."

"And I love you, Kate."

Then he led her by the hand to the steps and then down to the front of the theater, where they were met by the rest of the group. There were hugs and handshakes and squeals of joy to be had by all for several minutes before they left. Once they stepped outside, Beckett noticed two limousines waiting out front. Castle steered her towards the second one, while the others went to the first.

"See you guys at the house!" He called out.

"Okay." Alexis answered for the group.

"Now I see why you wanted to take a cab on the way here." Beckett laughed.

"All part of the plan, my dear."

He helped her in and scooted in next to her. She leaned close to him so the driver wouldn't hear what she had to say.

"Does the next part of the plan include making out with me the whole way home?"

"Why yes." Castle cleared his throat and the driver shut the door. "Yes it does."

Beckett threw a leg over Castle's lap and he placed his hands on her hips, holding her tightly to him.

"We best get to it then." She bit her bottom lip. "I wouldn't want to miss out on any of the plan."

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**A/N - Well, this is it folks. The end of the story. I hope it lived up to your expectations. I can't thank y'all enough for going on this journey with me. -Until next time, Paige.**


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